Pink Elephant

So we all know the situations where there is a HUGE pink elephant standing in the room and it seems to follow you in and out, yet no one is really willing to address the fact of your constant companion. Frustrating isn't it?

Over the last few months I have constantly realized my own large companion in several different situations yet have been unable to address it and come to find out I wasn't alone in my thoughts and feelings. Others that I work with and friends have been telling me their stories of awkward moments, how it feels like a fog following them around, and other anaologies. Somedays I wish (like yesterday) I could just yell out what the issue/problem is and have it resolved right then and there, alas, life is a bit more complicated than that. There are politics, pride, and just a certain safety net sometimes in ignoring it.

Maybe today will be the day where I confront the BIG pink elephant in the room or maybe I will just wait another day... :)

Seat Right Here

Sometimes I wish you would be the one to sit right there, instead of everyone else that has crossed your life within the last few years.

I want to pick your mind, not hear about all that has happened to them because of you.

I want to pick your mind and get your view.

I care, but only like one cares about the plot in the story and when the story is over they are able to set the book down and move on.

That is how much I care.

I care about the plot I know and the story that was started, but nothing beyond that.

So if you ever happen to cross my path and see a seat next to me.

Take it; because I want the end to the story that was started.

Things of Importance, Things of the Past

Redemption finds its funny way into my life. I remember back at the beginning of college I had grown my hair out super long and loved it. Then at some point in my junior year I decided to chop it off. I held a lot of value in my hair and to part with it was not easy and therefore I had to do it stages. My hair carried not only worth, but in my eyes memories, compliments, things I held dear and I knew for my sake and for the sake of growing up and moving forward in life I needed a fresh start. So off went the hair. Over the last few years it has grown back out, but in some ways it didn't hold the same value it once had. So that is why it was easy when one of my bosses told me she had breast cancer and would soon have to cut her hair and ultimately shave her head to be fitted for a wig that I decided to donate again but not because I needed a fresh start, but I wanted her to know she wasn't alone. Even though she may be older in years than me she resembles how I was in those first few years of college. She hides behind the beauty that her hair brings her, but truly, with or without the hair she is gorgeous. She is a beautiful mother of two who has a love for life and is a fighter. I know over these next few months and years it will be rough and I know she is going to have to fight in a way that she has never before. She has brought a great reminder into my life of how short time can be and how I better live each day being purpose filled and living in a way that gives back. I find it interesting how fear tends to make us funny, as in lets tell jokes and maybe that will ease the fear; and that is her. But over these last few days I have watched her break in ways that allows love to sweep in and remind her that she is never alone. Here is to you my brave, wonderful, and beautiful friend.

Photos Unlocked

So at some point in the last 2 months my photo card reader went missing in our house. I have searched high and low and to no avail it has gone to where missing things go. So today I finally made my trip to best buy to purchase a new one. So please enjoy the a random selction of photos that have been sitting in my camera since October!

World's Largest 25th Birthday Cupcake!

And she wins!

The glorious day of turning 25!

Wild Animal Park :)

Oreo Mud Cake

Valentine's Day Love

My FIRST apple pie made from scratch!

Smores :)

Snow in Lynden!

Seattle

Christmas time at home :)

Best Best

Total thug :)

Hollywood Fun!

Skyline

Happy Birthday Mum!!

Happy Birthday Mum! I love you so much and I am so thankful for the life you have been given!!

Ava

Meet my two year old second cousin Ava Marie. She is adorable, sweet, and strong willed. I spent this past weekend with her and her sister Siena Noel and I have to say there is something pretty amazing hanging out with little girls their age. Their ability to live in imaginary worlds, love with every little inch they have, and truly just be themselves was pretty fun to watch and be a part of during the weekend.

I watched Ava a lot over the weekend and there was something about her that was so captivating. I told my cousin Steve that I could just sit there for hours and watch her; whether it be sleeping, going down the slide a hundred times, or playing peek-a-boo with her as she latched onto her Daddy. Ava has this ability to be genuinely herself and being a 25 year old it was something that I wish I had more of like this little 2 year old. I would almost say, I want to grow up to be like Ava with a little more life experience :)

They have not always been my closest side of the family but it was a pretty special weekend getting to hang out with my cousin and his family. We are twelve years apart so it always made "hanging" a little bit different or nonexistent. But this weekend was filled with hanging out, catching up, riding bikes along the beautiful California Coast, climbing big hills, and swinging on swing sets...so much fun!

Sweet and Lovely

So my pictures are locked away on my camera until I can get a new cord to download them on my computer. However here is a mere glimpse of what a wonderful Saturday I had. I spent several hours with those I loved, baked my first apple pie ever (Mum would be so proud...oh and she was because I called and left a message about how excited I was that I finally had made one from scratch without her!), watched an action flick, and all around just had a wonderful wonderful day. I know there are people out there who dread the month of February and come to think of it, at some stage I think I was one of those people, but over time and an understanding that bitterness does nothing for me I have embraced this month and all the "hallmarkiness" that comes with it. Thank you S for being my Valentine and embracing the month with me! Happy February!

Negatives

Over the last few days I have been attempting to organize my photography; going through negatives, trying to download photos off my camera, finding random roles of film I have yet to develop. It has been a total wild ride especially to go through my negatives. The photos that came from the negatives have either been given away, stored in an album, or somehow disappeared. Seeing some of these images represented in the negatives showed me how much life has passed me by and how full it has really been. I thank my Dad for giving me the desire to capture life through a lens (and his faithful patience as I learned the process) and I am so thankful to have some of my crazy memories documented in what to me will always be a timeless form of art no matter how life continues to move forward in this area. Here's to a wonderful 25 years and here is hoping to capture a few more of those crazy wonderful beautiful moments!

Appreciation

I appreciate friendships were words can be exchanged and understood. I also appreciate friendships that you are able to be silent and still in. There is something to be said for the latter in my mind. I used to be the clingy type of friend that was always worried if I would be left behind and lets face it that girl still comes out from time to time. However, I would like to say that I have grown into the kind of friend that even though time has passed it does not feel like it. There is a common security between both friends knowing that we are loved and appreciated. Yes, times may have changed. Our seasons may be polar opposites, but that ability to just be with that other person and with no great expectations is truly a beautiful thing. I appreciate these people in my life. So whether it means picking you up at the train station at 7 am after not seeing you for months just so we can fall back in to bed for another 3 hours or if I see you every day and you just want a place to come and be quiet yet loved I am here. I appreciate those who do the same for me. I appreciate the full, loud, community filled places and I appreciate the quiet spaces you make for me to be me, nothing more, nothing less.

The Heart of the Matter

The older I get the more understanding I have for myself and for God's heart. My heart isn't attached to the city in which I stand. It's attached to the people in it. Over time though I have discovered that my heart is really drawn to the cultures and people that are beyond my own territories.

It truly makes me laugh to think about, because of how it all fits into my story. Back in 2002 at the start of college the idea of living somewhere other than the comfort of my own country was nothing but something that brave, passionate, "cool" people did. Yet, there was a shift, a change, a charge...whatever you want to call it, at some point in that first year of my last stint of education. I got a charge to love others that were beyond my own territory. But now this lesson has come full circle. It is also about loving those that surround me in this place that I once had been so comfortable in that I never wanted to leave. It is learning to have a balance of both in my life.

I had a conversation with a good friend on Sunday and we were reminiscing about the past and discussing the dreams of the future. We were both left with a sense of amazement how our dreams and desires "way back when" have in many ways shifted to our "todays" versions of those dreams and desires. The somewhat scary part (and I wonder why it is that I did this) is that I didn't really dream past college. I had an idea of what might come after that last year of school but my dreams really stopped there. These past three years have been wonderful...a true wonderful mystery written out day by day. I have excelled in ways that I never thought I could. I have gone far beyond that girl in the cafeteria those special Wednesday nights. It has been so much more full and richer than I could have ever dreamed. And the best part of it all, if God wills it, there is so much more mystery and balance to be discovered in this life.

Movie Month Again!

So I think my theme (for the most part) the last month or so has been to see Oscar nominated films :)