I Liked it so I am Posting it

"You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.

You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence.

You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves."

William J. H. Boetcker (1942)
(Quoted by Ronald Reagan)

Wicked

Good friend...check!

Afternoon off of work...check!

Cute Outfit...check!

Fun evening in LA planned...check!

I am going to be kicking myself come 5:30 tomorrow morning? Yes, but little adventures like this are totally worth it :)

In the Works

I am in the works. To the best of my head and heart knowledge this is the best way to describe where I am in life. For so long I have been looking to others to be somewhat of my road map, my North Star; something to focus on and help make sense of where I am and where I am going. The hard reality of doing this is that at some point there won't be anyone to look to. I think that point has finally arrived; it arrived about a year ago but I just was not willing to admit it. There is no one person to look at in life and go, "their life looks a little bit like mine, so maybe if I do this, this, and this I will get to where they are or have the things they have." I know I was just kidding myself every single time I chose to do this, but I couldn't help it. Freestyle is not my best style, but it is going to have to become a better style within me than it has been. So here is to the freestyler in me:

*Take an Italian class
*Try a real yoga class

*Publish one of my short stories

*Attempt a Thanksgiving dinner on my own
*Take a trip by myself

*Work in our garden come spring time

These are things I just want to try for me and not because of anyone else.

Hope Floats

Cheesy title? Maybe. Significant meaning? Very much so. I believe this two worded phrase to mean so much more in my generation. In today's age we are being fed so many messages about hope and how it's never coming or it's just around the corner...regardless of these messages of hope I know my hope to be based upon something so much more substantial than all the other temporary hopes offered to me. My hope floats. It is not grounded or weighed down by this earth. It floats and is constantly within my grasp to take a hold of if I choose. This life seems to be constantly about choices. So one of my girl friends and I decided that with all these choices were going to choose to reach out and grasp the hope that is within our reach. We are both in the midst of just crazy growing up times. So in these times of confusion, loss, adventure, and uncertainty I am thankful and appreciative that my hope floats.

Hope:
–verb (used with object)
6. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

7. to believe, desire, or trust

–verb (used without object)
8. to feel that something desired may happen

9. Archaic. to place trust; rely (usually fol. by in).

—Idiom
10. hope against hope, to continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it

Smack in the Middle of Life

I am sorry it hurts Love.

You can't get out of your own head and thoughts and I wish I could pull you to the reality of which is true and which is false.

There is hope.

All is not lost.

The pain will subside.

Time will continue to pass by.

Even though it seems as though the sky is blue for all but you, it is simply not true.

You aren't alone in the boat.

We just have to keep to pushing forward.

Paddling forward.

Don't give up. Please don't lose hope. One day it won't be this way.

I love you.

I want you to believe what it is I see.

I see you smack in the middle of an incredibly beautiful and inspiring story unlike any other you and I know.

Movie Month!

All different and good in their own way. If you listen to movie scores I highly recommend The Duchess score. On to movie night with the roomie! :)

AfterThought

This has been a blog in the works, one that I have sat with and wrestled and deleted a dozen times. So tonight is the night I am going to write and not delete.

I truly dislike that often in the relationships besides my parents that I feel as though I am an after thought. I am not sure what has changed in the last five years, but its as though I fell into a ditch had no idea how I got there, found the resources to climb out, and now I am back in the land of the living. However, I feel as though I am living as a second thought to certain people I love very much. It hurts a bit. My life has served me sweet moments and moments of extreme distaste but it has been through those sour moments that have given me an inner strength.

I guess I am just hoping that one day this extreme after thought feeling won't be the case and like the velveteen rabbit I will one day be a primary thought.

Who Would Have Thought...

that prayers that are spoken can be answered in the manner in which we request? I asked for something and I got it. It often doesn't happen and I tend to move forward away from my requests understanding that what I am asking for may not always be what I need (now or ever). My heart breaks a bit for getting the answer I did, but mainly I feel a sense of release and peace.

So You Think You Can Dance

Some of my favorite and funniest memories are wrapped up in this show. Thanks girls for making it a great night!!

Your Thoughts

Tell me something simply wonderful about your week...

No, I am not kidding. I really want to know. :)

Relief

Ever get that feeling of relief when you find something you have lost? This is a devotional my Dad gave me a few months back and I carry it with me everywhere. I lost it and then thanks to a much smarter friend who has similar thoughts to my own, helped me locate it in my car. What a great relief. Thanks Nanny!

Tri-Nations Cup

The New Zealand boys won this morning (however I watched it tonight). It was a great game and made me wish that rugby was a bigger sport then it currently is in the states!

Way to go All Blacks!!

Looking Ahead

Ready or not here we go...

Paradise Cove

Sometimes it just takes a few moments of change and a bit of fresh air to remind you the sky isn't falling. I have been sitting in my beautiful mess for what seems to be the last fives years, it can be a little bit overwhelming as some of you gathered from my previous post, but it isn't always like that. It takes those weeks to stir you into doing something about the funk and overwhelmingness ( I like creating words) of it all.

My form this time was getting away from what I normally do, what I am normally around, take a mini adventure...and visiting my Aunt in Glendale seemed like the perfect idea since we hadn't seen each other since around Christmas time. I enjoy getting to spend time with her and sharing life with her. While I was growing up she was always so easy to talk to and to this day is very much still that listening ear. She is one of the few to make me laugh and lighten the mood in which I stand and ponder my thoughts.

Having no expectations for this weekend, we woke up this morning and took a drive down Malibu Canyon Road and towards PCH. It was a beautiful morning and the perfect time to go down before the afternoon beach crowds started arriving. We had breakfast near this pier below and walked down the beach for a few miles. Its a beautiful place and resembled so many places in this world that bring me to a place of letting go of what little control I think I have.

It is refreshing to find these sweet little spots of paradise and to be able to have a few moments to relish in them.

Oxygen

Just a little reminder that makes me want to keep doing what I am doing. Thanks Grae for the article and thank you to those of you who continue to read my ramblings, and challenge me to keep writing them.

My Beautiful Mess

Almost a year ago Kristin and I were laying on the living room floor of a house in Christchurch. We were laying down soaking up the sun that was beaming through the window and we were talking about all that we expected of our return home. I think we both said a lot of things that have come to pass and we just knew would be things that we would encounter. Now, maybe I have become a girl that likes to see the glass as half full and even when I call some things into question I want to be positive in believing there is a reason and a purpose.

Lately, taking on that half glass full mentality has not been easy. I complain within my heart, my attitude isn't the same, and I call into question everything, oh yeah and I think FAR too much. But even in these moments of distress flickers of hope remind me exactly who I am. Chris Weinand put it beautifully at church this weekend, 'its as though God quieted the heavens and unashamedly called out my name.' Can you picture this? God quieting all of heaven to call out your name and acknowledge your presence before everyone? I often picture God being ashamed of me (if I am really being honest with myself). Do I want God to be ashamed of me? No. I want to be a daughter that He looks at and beams when I enter the room and that reality is far more true than I believe.

I have gotten stuck in this tangled web that I am half living since I came home. I felt so alive and stretched being somewhere else. This is my beautiful mess. I was a girl who never wanted to the leave the confines of her safe haven "home" and now I can't seem to leave soon enough and on to the next place, the next phase, the next adventure. I just can't seem to sit still and maybe in the midst of all of this, this is what I am supposed to gain and see. That I need to sit still again, I need to commit, I need to embrace and face God in a whole new way and realize that my mess is something He can take and create beauty out of.

Blank Canvas

Sometimes when I walk through different seasons that aren't the prettiest I don't like to use this "canvas" as my way of venting. However, so many good and incredible things come out of these different seasons, so I promise to share soon...

Meet Max!!

So, this is the newest part of our family and he has nothing but love to give and is more than willing to accept any love you have to offer! He is a total crack and a bit too smart for his own good or possibly the good/sanity of my parents. :)

Rock Your Soul

Over the last few weeks a group of women have been gathering at my house to study the book of Daniel. Can I just say that I feel so very uneducated. After all the Sunday school classes I went to, week long camps, and Christian education I feel as though some very basic yet practical parts to certain stories were missing (or maybe I wasn't paying attention till now, which is very likely and possible). This book is totally changing me from the inside out. Daniel was an incredible man in his youth all the way through his life. He was filled with integrity, sought out by Kings, loved by the LORD, and much more. Daniel was a man of the ages. His story is impacting my own. His ability to give honor where honor is due, but to truly give glory and praise to the true God of his life.

Beth Moore is continually challenging me with her honesty and vulnerability that makes me want to push through my own pride issues and really get down to heart of the matter. I can not express enough or in a better way what a crazy journey I am on. I have no map for this part of my life. I have no idea where I am going or where He is leading, but I know it is heading towards something good. I believe this with my whole heart. Some days are ugly and hard and all I want to do is to disappear and never to reappear, but that is giving up and I just can't. There is something in me that won't allow me to stop fighting.

I am walking through the fire and its intensity is burning away so much that I thought I could hang on to and be ok with in life. Not true. I have never been as fascinated with scripture as I am right now and each time I open it up and start exploring it, it is drastically rocking my soul and reminding me my time is short and wasting it, is not my best option.

Some days I wonder...

if you will ever physically show up and swing with me.