Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Waiting on Approval

I find the title appropriate for so many aspects of my life lately...waiting on approval from family and the choices I have made, waiting on approval from those I report up to at work that what I am doing is good enough and exactly what they were looking for, waiting on approval to marry the man I love. But really I think the first two are ones I am just going to have to let go and realize that who Heidi is and what she brings to the table is enough and it is good. My choices have been my choices and yes when I am was in high school, college, and now part of my adult life I have made some poor ones (but who hasn't!?). So whether my family approves or not I am making my own way in this life the best way I believe God has given me. The second, well all I can do is put my best foot forward each day and trust that what I bring to the table is enough whether I hear about it or not.

The last one I can't quite let go that easily. I am struggling with this one. I get that there are laws in place for certain reasons, but it is hard when it separates you from that one person who gets you more than any other person on this planet.

So about 3 weeks ago we got told that our early spring wedding was probably not going to take place because for whatever reason paperwork isn't moving as fast as they had hoped and it would and it would just be cutting it too close for Graeme to get here. It's like being told Christmas is on the 25th, but then oh wait we have to change it this year to February 25th for technical difficulties. Thankfully, after the tears had been wiped away and the ache of disappointment subsided, the date was able to move and all the vendors were able to work with the new date. But I still carry this disappoint with me.

I get asked periodically how I am doing (and I am so thankful that people care enough to ask), but to be able to answer honestly it's a lot and I also know it's a lot for people to take on. So I come up with a "fine...making lemonade of lemons" kind of statement and hope that is enough to have them nod and tell me how sorry they are and he'll be here soon response (which again...the fact that people even take the time to ask is wonderful in and of itself). Still makes me feel as though I am standing alone on dance floor as everyone has coupled up and has begun to dance to a song that I don't know, let alone the steps.

Because of this I am practicing my own dance...not caring who watches or thinks I am doing it wrong because it's my dance. My dance to hold me over till I get that approval that makes life just a tad bit sweeter.

3 comments:

Judith said...

Sometimes the choices we make are hard for others to understand. That doesn't make them wrong for us, only wrong for them.
Hang in there "Bureaucracy" was invented to frustrate.
Remember your Kiwi family is there for you with big hugs.

Judith said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Moore Musings said...

I totally understand being in this position of disappointment or waiting for approval, and not full knowing what to say when people ask. I don't have a ton of encouraging words, other than to say you are not alone! I can recommend some good music to sink into during this time, should you need it :)