Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sunnier Days

Who would have thought you and me?
Placing one an one together
I was coaxing a broken and wounded heart
Never really taking the time to look up
My eyes captured all the sights and sounds
But never truly saw the life behind those eyes
Those deep blue ever so capturing eyes
You saw me for me
And that was all I ever wanted
Yet I walked away without a care to my name
But you didn't let me go
You fought long and hard for your chance
So who would have thought you and me?
Because we both know it wasn't me :)
But I want you to know...
I see you for who you truly are
I am no longer blinded by the wounds or the scars
No longer fearful of the pain this could cause
I see you standing before me
And I now think who couldn't imagine you and me

Monday, January 25, 2010

Welcome to Reality

Being back in New Zealand I tend to do this whole flash back thing when Kristin and I were living here. I go back to memories we made, the lives that we had here, the friendships that we cultivated. And now I as I sit here two (going on three) years removed I realized this place helped me grow up.

My Mum specifically likes to tease me about my love of the "Peter Pan" story and how her Heidi girl just never wanted to grow up. She would give you examples throughout my whole life on how I tried to delay the growing up process. We can laugh about it now, but through each of those "lets not grow up moments" I always struggled and wrestled with the idea of what it meant to grow up. This place forced me to adapt in ways I never had to before and in an environment unfamiliar to me, with my main support system being thousands of miles away, and truly even if I did try and reach out there would have been nothing they could have done to assist me in the process.

But now having been back in the states I think I transferred the attitude that I had here in New Zealand to life at home. Take chances. Yes, it may be a risk and it may hurt, but then again it could totally be worth it. Learn to say yes to new things and random adventures rather than always living by the book. Take ahold of your responsibilities and follow through with them with a certain level of joy rather than passiveness.

I still get a kick out of my year in New Zealand because I realize that many don't get opportunities like that. Not many get the chance to start their "grown up" adventure, whatever that may look like, living in a culture quite different to their own. New Zealand was a great playground of sorts, but it was also my own unique way of waking up to reality and realizing that growing up was inevitable and I could either fight it or learn to enjoy the process. Coming back here reminds me of this, so with it comes some sadness to know I am even farther along in this journey, but also a greater anticipation of what is to come.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Sunshine and Cloudy Days

I love being able to say I don't have an agenda. I think often my planner runs me...which I am not the biggest fan of, but it helps me stay on track and not go crazy with my often crazy life.

This place doesn't call for that. Hang outs happen with people without having to book it weeks out, coffee dates can happen mid day, life just seems to be slower here no matter the weather, the season, or just time of day.

I take great joy in the fact that I get to come to this place. Adventure around and meet new people all while reconnecting with the old. Its as though I felt stale and weary and walking right off that plane into people's arms I loved it was like a fresh breath of air all while being handed the best tasting glass of water.

New Zealand is incredible. You should come for a visit!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Like Coming Home

Being back in New Zealand truly has felt like a coming home in a way. I was not entirely sure it would be this way but it has with so much more attached to it.

My first two days were filled with rain and wind, just like when Kristin and I first arrived to Wellington. In the last 48 hours it has been a whirl wind of reunions with friends (new and old) and just getting time to spend with Grae. Each moment has been filled with a certain level of sweetness and moments where it feels as though I never left or I just went on a real long holiday.
There have been certain things that made me a bit nervous, like making sure I caught the right bus to the right place (so far so good!) and just being open to whatever might come my way...including making friends with strangers!
I think it is in my nature to make friends with people I don't hear their stories and catch a glimpse of who they are. I had the chance to meet John Williams, as I sat in the sun along Wellington's harbor. He used to own the 2nd largest bus and car distribution in New Zealand. He is older now and retired, living life with his wife on Oriental Parade, and about to go on a lovely Mediterranean cruise in April. It is moments like these that make me miss New Zealand...a certain level in people that are willing to share and be open and honest with someone they don't know. Whether it is just me or just being in this place I don't really know, all I know is that I have missed it and it is wonderful to be back.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Divided Heart

As I am approaching my trip to New Zealand I can't help but in some ways feel divided. I think it comes down to the fact that there is so much change that is taking place in my life here and I know with this impending trip only more change will added to it.

Also, the fact is that someone I love very dearly is moving out of state the day I jump on a plane and travel half way around the world to others that I love dearly. I know I am entitled to have all these thoughts and emotions stored up, but I think it is the fact that I feel as though I can't be completely present in one particular place...I am divided. I know in time I will sort through it and figure it out, but it's an entirely new phase with so many more unknowns attached to it.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

The Approaching Desert

I had the chance to take a lovely walk with a friend the other night. And on this walk we discussed bits of our lives as they are now, love how well receive it and don't receive it, and where we are standing with God at the moment. Through our conversation about the latter I explained that about 4 or 5 months ago I sensed I would be walking through a rather dry season in my life, but I sensed a difference to all the other dry seasons I had walked before.

I had a complete understanding that God would be walking along side me and would not be leaving me, but it would be as though we were walking in silence. I don't know how many of you have ever walked these kinds of seasons where you feel alone, weighted down, and no real sense of direction. I think I come across it at least once or year or every other year where it truly settles into my life.

As my friend and I made our way to sit by the ocean we decided to fight through the apathy that had somewhat smothered us and give God what little we had. As we prayed for one another and encouraged each other in where we were both standing as individuals I got this true sense that I am really starting to learn things, take them to heart, and applying them to my life. It truly is an exceptional feeling when lessons start to sink in and I finally take hold of what I am supposed to.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

What a Way to Start a New Decade

*Photo courtesy of E.R.

It was a wonderful evening spent with dear friends and a great way to ring in the new decade. I know this decade is going to look far different than the two I have already traveled through, but I am looking forward to what is ahead!

Happy 2010!

May it be a year and a decade filled with far more than you could have ever hoped, imagined, or prayed for!

Blessings and Love,