Monday, August 31, 2009
I have been all about the journey these last few years. A journey of the heart, soul, mind, body...all of it. It hasn't been easy and often I thought walking away from it all and giving up was the best solution, because really walking through this what would it ever provide to others or myself? But giving up is and has never been the answer. I have constantly been taught and shown that really living, really giving yourself away, learning to love and be loved, learning to forgive and work through it all can be one of the greatest testaments to life and living.
We are to be constant encouragers and examples to one another, just as Christ set the ultimate example.
I can't give up now.
And as much as I have days and nights where I would love nothing more than the "race" to come to a halt I know my story is impacting others. I know that my heart and desire for God is impacting others whether they choose to see that part or not. I know there is something so much larger than "me" taking place in all of this.
SO...all of this to say...don't give up, don't lose hope, keep moving forward however hard the climb may be, because what you gain in wisdom and understanding is totally worth it.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
This was just the changing the sheets picture. But already you can tell by taking a picture I was committing to writing a bit about my crazy idea!
Woohoo! Successfully moved the bed (by myself) taken the bookshelf out of my room and stored it in the garage (by myself), and successfully banged myself pretty good in the process.
Not enough space in the room therefore half the bed went into the entry way and all the extra little stuff stored away in the bathroom.
Ok now I know this is a duplicate picture below but I want you to look in the purple chair, I have about 50 DVD's sitting in their cases there. I realized that if I was going to make this work I was going to have to suck it up and make a target run. But first I made a list so that I would only get the things I needed for this project rather than all the things I want at Target :)
Wall-ah! The finished project below. Target run complete and under budget. I purchased something to hold my extra DVDs and CDs as well as three larger containers for extra books I am saving for my library one day, as well as a set of new towels! I figured my bathroom needed a bit of pampering as well. Oh and the tiny little TV stand next to the bed to house a few more books that I read and write in regularly.
So at about 12:30 (Saturday morning) this was my completed project. For just coming home and wanting to change the sheets I think I did fairly well in having the energy to finish it all within a few hours!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Today is the day that they put you to sleep for 4 hours and take what has been harming you for these many months, yet it will also take a piece of what we identify femininity with. I know you are scared. I know you don't know exactly what life is going to look like come after this morning. But please know this, you are loved and won't have to be alone in the process.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Hillsong never meant much to me. When I heard people refer to it my thoughts were, "I think I have heard some of their songs...they are based in the UK or maybe Australia...I can't quite remember." When I entered college I had a couple close girlfriends who knew more than I did and began to explain to me that they were based in Australia (not the UK like I had originally thought) and that they were hoping to attend their worship school sometime in the near future. Even with these little pieces of information I never really realized the vastness of who they were. With the move to New Zealand I caught a bigger glimpse of it. I think for certain things it all depends on where you are located in the world to understand how BIG (aka popular) some things are. New Zealand I think gave me far more insight to "who" Hillsong was and their vision for ministry in the world.
My world was rocked when Kristin and I had the chance to visit Australia and had the opportunity to attend their church. Had you ever shared with my 15 year old self that I would ever visit this church family I would have giggled at you (yes giggled) and walked away. But after getting a bit lost, almost missing a shuttle, there we stood. I remember feeling overwhelmed and yet anticipation grew within me that I knew this was a journey that I had to experience myself with God. My heart I think actually expanded in that 2 hour period that we were there. We met some of the most nice kind hearted people and I met with a very very tangible part of God. I am not sure I will ever be able to put it in words and maybe that is ok. This was a moment between God and one I know will never quite be duplicated.
So fast forward 2 years, I haven't listened to much of their music recently, still hang on to remnants of that night when Kristin and I visited. But here I sit in my room, feeling miserable, "dry", parched for something I know I have been longing for. Going through my music collection I stumble across a cd a friend made me a while back, a compilation of her favorite songs from Hillsong. I put it on. A wave of release and a breakthrough in the tension of myself swallowed me whole. I am constantly left speechless for how God can work in my life personally. The tensions that I hang onto on a daily basis that build up over the months can within a moments notice be wiped from my life and I am given a sense of peace that can not be compared to anything in this world.
I think God likes to use music in my life. It is something I have always resonated with and maybe I can "blame" my parents for since they used to play together before I was even born and then it took a pretty big role in our home life as I was growing up. Even though I can't carry a tune and I don't have the knack to play an instrument hearing others works of art and gifts does something for me; Hillsong and their music only adding to that.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Lately I have found myself in between a lot of things lately...in between job choices, responsibility choices, heart choices, just a lot of all around choices. And the hard part for me as I stand in the middle of all of these choices is that I can't seem to discover any real black and white response to any of them. I was at least hoping that one would be black and white but really they are all hazy and grey. So here I am in the middle of everything and yet at the brink of so much more.
I have discovered while being here that I have to start basing choices off of "Heidi" and no one else. Over the years I have developed this tender heart and caring for others which ultimately turned into caring too much for what others thought of me. Therefore a lot of my choices became based on what others thought rather than what I believed I should do.
So begins the stretching process of making choices. Regardless if they are right or wrong I just have to start making them and discovering what unfolds. So here goes nothing!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Lately my ipod keeps shuffling to Brooke Fraser, so today I decided to give in and fill my senses with memories from what seems long ago. Brooke was an artist that Kristin and I were introduced to while we were living in New Zealand. Kristin and I would often listen to her in the flat when no one was home or while we were cleaning or making dinner. We actually got the chance to see her in concert with a group of friends/mates which was a blast! Sometimes it can be hard to have all these emotions and memories pop up in your head, but then I realize I am all the better for them regardless of how "hard" it may be. In lieu of my music interest this week enjoy a bit of a flashback from our year spent abroad.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
12 Who else has held the oceans in his hand?
Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers?
Who else knows the weight of the earth
or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?
13 Who is able to advise the Spirit of the L
Who knows enough to give him advice or teach him?
14 Has the L
Does he need instruction about what is good?
Did someone teach him what is right
or show him the path of justice?
15 No, for all the nations of the world
are but a drop in the bucket.
They are nothing more
than dust on the scales.
He picks up the whole earth
as though it were a grain of sand.
16 All the wood in Lebanon’s forests
and all Lebanon’s animals would not be enough
to make a burnt offering worthy of our God.
17 The nations of the world are worth nothing to him.
In his eyes they count for less than nothing—
mere emptiness and froth.
18 To whom can you compare God?
What image can you find to resemble him?
19 Can he be compared to an idol formed in a mold,
overlaid with gold, and decorated with silver chains?
20 Or if people are too poor for that,
they might at least choose wood that won’t decay
and a skilled craftsman
to carve an image that won’t fall down!
21 Haven’t you heard? Don’t you understand?
Are you deaf to the words of God—
the words he gave before the world began?
Are you so ignorant?
22 God sits above the circle of the earth.
The people below seem like grasshoppers to him!
He spreads out the heavens like a curtain
and makes his tent from them.
23 He judges the great people of the world
and brings them all to nothing.
24 They hardly get started, barely taking root,
when he blows on them and they wither.
The wind carries them off like chaff.
25 “To whom will you compare me?
Who is my equal?” asks the Holy One.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.
27 O Jacob, how can you say the L
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
28 Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
29 He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
30 Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31 But those who trust in the L
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
I found this movie to be inspiring from the stand point that I often feel like Julie these days. I go to work yet when I am there I know there is more to my existence than to assist those that I am around. I have a love for the life God has given me and I am struggling to live that out on the 4th floor three desks back.
Lately, I find myself coming home and just like Julie laying on the floor but I am surrounded by papers, thoughts, and my dreams of what could be rather than, 'a what would have been delicious meal' :) I just need to take my one solid good idea off the shelf and run with it and see what could happen instead of putting it back on the shelf and doubting that this could really go anywhere.
I am a bit more inspired just for the fact that this was based off of someone's real life. That she had a life prior to writing and film that looks a whole lot like mine does right now. I need this kind of inspiration; kind of sets a fire under oneself to take a risk in a totally new and unknown direction.
Here's to trying new things, taking a few more risks, "painting a few walls", and finding out what the unexpected holds.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Of course I have had a few fun adventures along the way and a great few late nights, but they really don't compare to the summer days of my childhood and adolescence. The never ending day in the pool or at the beach. Super late night movies at the theater when I could sleep in to my hearts content the very next day. I have to say though, I am grateful I appreciated each and every summer season I was given while growing up.
Well off to take advantage of one of those late summer nights with Friend...ok maybe it won't be late late, but still getting time to hang out with her summer season or not is always an adventure in and of itself!