This was a photo I happened to glance at about a month ago while going through old scrap books I had put together back in Junior High and High School. As strange as they may look to an outsider I had many laughs going through these old books of mine. Seeing friends I haven't seen in ages. Sports clippings of teams I played on. Many memories collected in them. And there against a piece of purple paper laid this picture. Growing up like most young girls I had my infatuations. My father thought me out of my mind to post Leonardo DiCaprio on my ceiling right beside N'Sync. However all of them ended up in a rubbish bin at some stage, but here in my memory books was a picture of Heath. Maybe it was the idea that he was foreign and I knew it was nothing more than a mere infatuation. Though I did not know him it leaves me with a sense that another small part of my innocence, my childhood has been chipped away. It's a reminder that we don't live forever, no matter who we are. Thank you for being a part of several wonderful memories growing up, thank you for being the topic of conversation every now again, thank you for making this once fourteen year old girl blush, just by the sound of your accent.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
It's something we need. Something that makes us feel a part of a whole. I personally function better with it, even though deep down inside an element of community scares me. I keep asking myself, "What am I so afraid of?". And I guess the answer came from here; if I become a part of a community and am exposed for who I really am, will I still be accepted and embraced within this community?
I am scared of rejection.
I am scared of not finding "my place" in a place that it should be so "easy" to find "my place".
I am a daughter of the Most High King and I am scared like I am 6 years old in sea of grown ups hiding behind his rob. I know the truth. So like a big 6 year old I must step from behind the rob and embrace it all...the good and the bad, just like I did back then. Despite how human I am, God gave me something to offer this community. Plus, it's one thing I have going in common with everyone...the area of perfection. We are not perfect. I am not perfect. I mess up, I say hurtful things, I am lazy, I get it wrong. But, I am considered beloved. So I walk in that truth and the knowledge that...
Rejected or not. Christ was embraced and rejected in community. Taken in and outcast. So who better to give this problem, this issue of myself to...then Him.
Friday, January 18, 2008
It was the idea that got to her. The idea that maybe they could be friends again. They could talk and catch up on the last four years of their lives and all that they had been doing with their time. What they had been seeing through this raw real world. This was her thought as she stood on the cold pavement, barefoot, staring at someone who without knowing it, reminded her of this one person she had been trying to shake for so long. It wasn't as though this person was the air she needed to breathe. She was way passed that feeling or raw emotion. She just stood their looking at this man with flash backs of memories, memories long forgotten. Somersaults in parking lots, naps on the beach, car rides and getting lost on purpose. And the memory of the ending collapsed upon her. That, oh so strange and slightly denting memory of rejection and outcast. She remembered then why this idea was pretty impossible from where she was standing. Then came a wave of understanding for it all. That she had to let them go...she had to let them all go their own way. Each and every memory, held to each and every situation. Every conversation, every look, every random moment of flirtation that excited the senses. They didn't belong to her anymore. They didn't belong to her if she wanted the door to open to all new experiences and adventures. They were not hers to hold on to if this was the life she was really wanting. So returning back to earth, thoughts clearly in place. She hugged her friend with all her might and made her way to the car. Leaning up against the car she slid down the side and laid against that cold black pavement. Looking up into the sky she saw Orion's belt and smiled, being reminded that even in the craziness and chaos of city and life there is always something to smile about.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I enjoy being around friends who remind me of the simple joys of life. I spent last Saturday night surrounded by wonderful friends. We caught up on life, laughed over orders of sushi, laughed at how easy it was to squeeze 9 of us into a booth. We talked about traveling, friends, family, and work. Then we moved on to to a coffee shop only to discuss apartments, the craziness of our pasts, our relationships with God, our struggles to live the day to day life. I had my doubts about moving back to this area, but sitting amongst these fine women I was quickly reminded that no matter where I am in this world it is the company that truly makes it worth while.