Not Always What It Seems

Now these two beautiful photos you see below were taken by my wonderful friend Stacee. Stacee is about to graduate college and move East, many miles away from California, so this was one of our last times to be able to spend some time together alone (near the ocean which we both love). As well as, to reflect, to talk about God, and to be able to have some down time for ourselves in the midst of the craziness of both our lives. We had planned a wonderful afternoon...but lets just say it seemed for myself to start off a bit on the wrong leg. My day at work had been crazy and I felt a bit unsettled. And I pretty much carried that into my evening. Not sure if Stacee felt the same, but I can say that what we both had planned did not come to pan out exactly as we had hoped. However, we got our quite time in the busyness of ruby's on the pier and got our few moments of reflection looking at this incredible sunset! Then we got a chance to talk and share on our mile and half hike to and from the car. We shared laughs while driving through parking lots and I got to witness some of her handiwork in her own creative element. It may have not been our most "ideal" evening. But it worked and we enjoyed ourselves...at least I did :) I guess the point to my ramblings is that, I make plans I have ideas of how things should be and how they should go. But sometimes I have to let go of my agendas and trust that the "plan" unseen can be far better then the plan I have created in my head.

Faith

I continue to walk the road even after speaking a prayer into existence many years ago and still waiting on a reply, but also being able to speak a prayer and watch the answer come to fruition within a matter of moments. I am given such generous gifts. Thank you Lina and Nan for reminding me of these ever good gifts.

Music and Lemons

Music has always played a part in our relationship. It was something that came even with our first genuine interaction. One particular genre that always stuck around was country. It fits that it would be a part of the beginning and a part of the closing. It sounds so stange, but I felt like I was standing on top of a diving board looking down at the water a bit scared to jump, but because it was you I was willing to jump, but still something in me wouldn't release. What you gave over was allowing me instead of jumping to climb down and off the board. With my whole heart I thank you. I am just not to that point of that section of my journey and as much as I wanted it to be; I knew. Just as you knew the moment that tune played. I have been released and I thank God for releasing you. Go in peace and I pray when she walks into your life that you love her completely and beyond the extent that you so kindly showed me. You aren't a lemon (at all) and will never be remembered as one.

S.F.

I know you'll read this and because of that I wanted to pay tribute to you. You are dedicated and hard working, loved by your family and friends, and even the occasional co-worker who is willing to do the "happy dance" for you. Thank you for being one of my biggest supporters in this ever so rocky time it seems. Thank you for the long walks. The great chats. The constant encouragement. The willingness to revise and revise again. The "other" perspective. Thank you for listening to my side and hearing my heart. Thank you for believing in my dreams and wanting to see me have the best, even if that meant "letting me go". You my dear S.F. ROCK! And I am one of the privileged to have done the "happy dance" right into your life!

Developing Lifestyle

I feel as though I am coming into my own so to speak. Right before graduating college so many people around were discussing the idea/concept that college does very little to prepare you for stepping into the "real world", now maybe that isn't their specific duty; either way most twenty-somethings are thrown into the deep end in hopes that they will float! Everyone makes their own way, making different choices, different lifestyles; some get married, some adventure to other lands, some start careers, and some go home. I took the path of "other land" or "OE" as my beloved Kiwi friends would title it. Maybe it was the "Peter Pan Syndrome" in me or maybe it was the fact that I discovered this unknown love for other countries and cultures my second year in college. Regardless of why I made my move to New Zealand it doesn't matter because I did it and I am back and it forever shaped me. But now I am here in my home state trying to make a go of another type of lifestyle. I am waking up around 5 am most days, having green tea in the morning to wake up, regularly having quiet time, and on the road for work at 6:45. I am an adult who is making it a lifestyle to run each week, cook more of my meals than I eat out, really press hard into the passions that I have. So six months in I am still here, still treading water it seems, but I am doing it as unto the LORD. I get so frustrated sometimes, but I don't need to know it all right now, in this very moment...I just need to take it one day at a time. When Kristin and I traveled through Australia we took a tour that lead us up the coast and situated in a cliff was this plaque. She just sent this picture to me as a reminder. And what a sweet and true reminder it is.

Wildflowers

So my friend from high school, Steph, got me quite excited about the idea of coming home and seeing the wildflowers. Now of the benefits to living "out in the boonies" is that wild flowers during this time of the year grow all over, but to find the real special places you have to make a bit of a trip. So about thirty minutes even farther East from where we live my Dad and I took a car ride to find this specific spot (Shell Creek) he had taken me once when I was little. I remember the trip so vividly because it was one of the only times that it was just me and my Dad with my Mum being away for the weekend. My Dad spent a lot of his twenties living in the mountains so he loves spending time out in places deserted and surrounded by nature. At some stage in life he passed this love onto me, whether it was this outing when I was little or not I don't quite remember, but today when driving out on Highway 58 I felt completely at home. The moment we turned down this side road I flashed back to driving in my Dad's beat up Ford truck with the windows down and the country music playing (which I truly despised at the time). The differences of the day were we are both a bit older now, we had a lot more to talk about, we weren't in that truck (its long gone now); but the similarities were that just like I did when I was little I was getting to spend some quality time with Dad that I loved, country music was playing (and this time I didn't despise it), and the flowers were just as beautiful as I remember. These photos don't do it justice by any means. I love coming back here. Thanks Steph for the great idea!

Dear You

Several years ago there was a girl who was a part of my life...not a significant part, but around my life and I was around hers. Now over time I no longer saw this girl or had her as a part of my life. This made me sad, but the circumstances surrounding our friendship could not be changed and so I haven't heard from this (now young woman) girl in years. I bring it up because, I ended up reading an article about this girl. She is grown up now and living life. All the things I hoped she would be. It gave a bit of her story and where she is now and I could not help but think had things been different we probably would have turned out to be wonderful friends. Life is funny that way. We as people and people in relationships are funny. I miss this girl and wish I could convey a few things to her and let her know. Encourage her a bit and affirm her of her beauty and creativity, but its not my place or role. More than likely with all the time that has gone past she has long forgotten me or who I am. So it is my hope that someone will step up to that plate and do this for her. Funny how the past can come rushing in your door. The memories made me smile and reminded me that this life is SO much larger than myself. SO much bigger than who I am and who I am becoming. Its kind of exciting and thrilling, because I just don't know who I am going to come in contact with new and old. Hey! Even through these writings I have re-discovered friends who long ago were a part of my life. They were a part of my past but have now become a part of my present. You just never know what is going to happen. It's Tuesday and it's a much better day than Monday :)

Mondays

Why are Mondays the day of struggle? I wish there was a pill or something that could give me a better outlook on this day. I mean even when I have everything going for me...I woke up early this morning, did some things around the house, read, made breakfast, got ready for work...the whole nine yards!! Yet I still feel as though I have been socked in the stomach with a huge blow of somesort.

Something About Home

So when I was a teenager I thought like a teenager and I acted like a teenager and I wanted nothing to do with where I grew up. Now given, I had no grand plans to get out of the place, but I was COMPLETELY over it. Especially when you live a good twenty minute car ride out into the country from anywhere and as my friends affectionately deemed you live, "out in the boonies". Yet even as I write this I think that I am a decade plus one away from when the teenage years began and how much I have changed from that pip squeek of a girl. I now at the very wise old age of twenty four love going home. I haven't actually lived there in three or four years now. Maybe I gained my true sense of love for it when I was "forced" to go without it for a year...I know choosing to live in another beautiful country 10,000 miles away isn't really "forced" but you get what I mean. Coming "home" was not the wisest choice or in the budget. Since moving back to Southern California I have made a goal within me to make it home at least once a month if not that then it can't be more than two months between each visit. Its funny how a place can be a place that feels like "prison" (I use the term very loosely) and then be the one place in the world where I am completely free and at peace. Maybe it comes with age, maybe wisdom, maybe just a little common sense to realize what is right before me. I guess I could take this perspective in a lot of areas of my life, but for now it relates the most to going home, being at home. There is just something about it that gives it the feeling like Christmas is around the corner and how many people really want to pass that by?