It was a night filled with fog. A night so filled with fog that even with your hand stretched out you were unable to see the tips of your fingers. It scared her. It scared her to not be able to see in front of her. But she kept going forward. She kept trusting that the end would result in
discovering the truth. The truth about herself.
The truth about life. And the end to all lies that
she had ever believed. She called out. She called
out from the bottom of her heart to be met half way, to find the complete clearing in the midst of this walk, in the midst of all the fog that surrounded her life. After her plea her foot stumbled upon something. She bent down and felt around to the discovery of a candle. To her relief she picked it up and noticed a lighter next to the candle. She lit the candle, dropped the lighter, and kept going forward. She held it up to lead her way. Even though she may have not been met physically half way, she knew she had been met. She knew that someone was listening. Someone trusted her enough to give her this journey. Someone believed in her more than she believed in herself, especially in these moments of fog. She took that belief and wrapped it around herself. She took it like she took her blankie when she was a child; tucked it in close like a cloak and kept feeling for the path before her. Even though its foggy presence she wasn't so scared or alone anymore.
Monday, December 18, 2006
I had to say goodbye to a great piece of New Zealand last night. Actually she is from the states, but has been in New Zealand for the last 3 months; one of those months being able to grace me with her presence. I did not think I would have to say goodbye to anyone I was close to for quite some time, but I think I understand that little poem about people coming into our life for however long or short and making an impact; she made an impact.
New Zealand is already having a great impact on my life. I feel more myself here. Maybe it is just because I am getting the chance to start new with all the lessons I have been learning really over the last 4 years. Regardless of all the ups and downs over these last 7 weeks I have come to love New Zealand, Wellington specifically, and the people who make me fall in love with it every day. Its nice to finally find a place in the world that enables this side of me to come out. It is incredible to be in this relationship with the LORD as I daily walk this journey here. His grace daily fills me, enables me to take risks in conversations, with people, with our relationship, and more. I am learning as His daughter why I am here on this earth. I am beginning to be able to see His footprints more and more in my life than ever before. How faithful He is.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
I wish there was a way to put it in words, but there just does not seem to be a way. So often these days I find myself riding the bus staring out at all that I pass, the scenery, people, businesses, houses, the ocean, and more... I get lost in it all, as though I was living a story someone was writing. I know to many of you this won't make sense, but I guess if I had to put it into words this would be it. I have never had the dreams to be a doctor, lawyer, director, teacher; an occupation that I knew the steps to get to and so I got there. I have been drifting, but in recent years a better term for it would be trusting. It is trusting that the God who created me does have a purpose for me, so even though it may not have been written on stones for me to run after, its there. I am content with not having my "occupation" before me. I am content with the idea of maybe just working at a seaside cafe for the next year and seeing what comes along. Never in my life have I been this ok with the idea of not knowing. I think for so long I have been attacking God with the ideas and thoughts of wanting to know specifics of what it is He wants me to do, but what a gift He has given me in allowing me to make choices, to not have the structure of life that enables me to go on little journeys here and there. My purpose is to be obedient, listen, and trust. Difficult things mind you, but if you embrace them and Him, the freedom that comes with it is endless!