Sunday, December 03, 2006
I wish there was a way to put it in words, but there just does not seem to be a way. So often these days I find myself riding the bus staring out at all that I pass, the scenery, people, businesses, houses, the ocean, and more... I get lost in it all, as though I was living a story someone was writing. I know to many of you this won't make sense, but I guess if I had to put it into words this would be it. I have never had the dreams to be a doctor, lawyer, director, teacher; an occupation that I knew the steps to get to and so I got there. I have been drifting, but in recent years a better term for it would be trusting. It is trusting that the God who created me does have a purpose for me, so even though it may not have been written on stones for me to run after, its there. I am content with not having my "occupation" before me. I am content with the idea of maybe just working at a seaside cafe for the next year and seeing what comes along. Never in my life have I been this ok with the idea of not knowing. I think for so long I have been attacking God with the ideas and thoughts of wanting to know specifics of what it is He wants me to do, but what a gift He has given me in allowing me to make choices, to not have the structure of life that enables me to go on little journeys here and there. My purpose is to be obedient, listen, and trust. Difficult things mind you, but if you embrace them and Him, the freedom that comes with it is endless!