The Start of an Interesting Journey

" I have had prayers answered - most strangely so sometimes - but I think our heavenly Father's loving-kindness has been even more evident in what He has refused me." Lewis Carroll

Life

"Within us all there are wells of thought and dynamos of energy which are not suspected until emergencies arise."
– Thomas J. Watson

Strength

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help. and he will say: HERE AM I.
ISAIAH 58:8,9

The Fateful Night

You will never read this, but it is days like this that I wish I had not gone. It is days like this that I wish I would have gone with you. It is days like this that I wish you would have thought of me. It is days like this that I wish you would have prooved a year of doubt wrong. I called you that morning to tell you that I loved you, that I had come to love you. I had made my own choice taking in what others had said, but knowing that my choice was my choice. I hate feeling this way. I wish I could lack emotion just for a moment. But then what kind of life would that be? to not feel and experience the real life around me. You had hoped for a fairytale I had hoped for a real life true love. What happened happened for the best. Despite all the humaness in me I knew. I knew from the very moment I called you a yellow. I wanted to believe you were my pink over the last year. I felt as though that last week a part of me died. It was my fault and my choice. I miss you, but the crazy thing about all of this is that I can live without you and I will continue to do so. But there was a moment in time where I had wished that not to be the case. Despite everything above I am ok. I have good days and bad days. My life is at a good spot right now and as you and I have talked many times God has my heart and I knew I had to continue to wait, but when my heart hurts like it does I wish the response would have been different that fateful night.

The Very Power

"When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all."

~C.S. Lewis

What Hurts

What Hurts The Most
I can take the rain On the roof of this empty house That don’t bother meI can take a few tears now and then And I just let ‘em out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though goin’ on with you gone still upsets meThere are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most Was being so closeAnd havin’ so much to sayAnd watchin’ you walk awayAnd never knowin’What could’ve beenAnd not seein’ that lovin’ you Is what I was tryin’ to do It’s hard to deal with the pain Of losin’ you everywhere I go But I’m doin’ it

It’s hard to force that smileWhen I see our old friends and I’m aloneStill harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret But I know if I could do it overI would trade, give away All the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspokenNot seein’ that lovin’ you That’s what I was trying to do.

5 months

I wish I knew the hours

I wish I knew more than I do now

In less than 5 months this will be home

I have less than 5 months to take in what is here

I have less than 5 months to say goodbye to so much stuff

In less than 5 months I will have to say goodbye to so many I love

In less than 5 months one of the greatest adventures of my life begins!

Just a little less than 5 months

Here I Stand

Here I stand.
Awaiting and ready.
Here I stand.
In hope and prayer.
Here I stand.
With a new season at hand.

The Pink Outnumber the Yellow

Have you ever felt like you are on a bus moving quickly away from something important?
It is exactly how I feel in these present days
Its as though you are about to take one of the biggest chances of your life and you are told to go
Why do I feel as though I am the only one supposed to get on the bus?
Why is it that I wish someone was following my bus not wanting to let me go, yet I know they are not?
Some much change
So little time
So many questions
With no answers in sight
A journey is a near
But the journey afar is all of what I desire
It makes the most sense
It has the most peace
But there is something within me that wishes you were following my bus.
But I know I am still waiting for my pink.
The pink out number the yellow.
I believe that.
I walk into that.
I trust that.
So on the bus I go.
Doing my best to not look behind.

To Julien

I miss you already Julien...Yet I trust that He knows my heart. Goodbye...