The Fateful Night

You will never read this, but it is days like this that I wish I had not gone. It is days like this that I wish I would have gone with you. It is days like this that I wish you would have thought of me. It is days like this that I wish you would have prooved a year of doubt wrong. I called you that morning to tell you that I loved you, that I had come to love you. I had made my own choice taking in what others had said, but knowing that my choice was my choice. I hate feeling this way. I wish I could lack emotion just for a moment. But then what kind of life would that be? to not feel and experience the real life around me. You had hoped for a fairytale I had hoped for a real life true love. What happened happened for the best. Despite all the humaness in me I knew. I knew from the very moment I called you a yellow. I wanted to believe you were my pink over the last year. I felt as though that last week a part of me died. It was my fault and my choice. I miss you, but the crazy thing about all of this is that I can live without you and I will continue to do so. But there was a moment in time where I had wished that not to be the case. Despite everything above I am ok. I have good days and bad days. My life is at a good spot right now and as you and I have talked many times God has my heart and I knew I had to continue to wait, but when my heart hurts like it does I wish the response would have been different that fateful night.