Monday, May 05, 2008

Wanting What We Possibly Don't Need (at least right now)

Anyone ever feel like they know best? I have my moments...I think I have a pretty good grasp of what it is I need. Yet, then I have weeks like these past few and I am constantly reminded that maybe I just don't know what I need. I have been single for five years now and would have to say that, that choice has been pretty much mine. But if I am honest with myself it really hurts sometimes and I look around me and I start comparing other people's stories to my own and before I know it I feel pretty lonely. But then I sit in a room hearing the stories of others and I hear their breaking hearts and even some spirits and I am reminded that I am not the only one sitting in this boat and when I think about it I am available right now. I am available to offer up the gifts that I have to others with my own time. Time is mine and not something that I have to share with another. I have a story and even though it is not the most beautiful of stories it is mine. And I have to believe that through my joys and pains I have something to offer to others through my tales. I have my good days and bad days. Days where I think I have it all together and days where I hope I stay invisible throughout the whole 24 hours. I want what I have seen over the last five years, but do I need it right now? No. What I need right now is to continue to be available and open to share and walk life with others. What I need is a bit more patience and a tad bit more endurance. I made a joke today about patience and it being one of God's lamest fruits of the spirit, but in all honesty...I think patience produces some of the best fruit.

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