With Love From Me

Dear You...
Since writing you a letter is impossible at this time here is my poor attempt at letting you know.
Thank you for helping to create some of the best memories of my life
Thank you for pursuing me the way every girl dreams of being pursued
Thank you for taking the time to listen
Thank you for the taking the time
Thank you for being vulnerable
I hope one day you will love your Mum just a bit more with your eyes wide open
I hope you will care for her the way she deserves to be cared for
I hope you become the big brother I know you can be
I hope you do stay single for a while and really look at you alone for a while
I pray you continue to write
I pray you continue to use your photography skills to bless others
I hope you know one day that I loved you, but you see...
I walked away because I began to love who I saw you becoming rather than who you were
It was not fair to you and so for the benefit of you and me, I left.
No man wants to be loved for who they could be, but for who they are.
So this is my letter to you.
May you have a wonderful life whever you go.
Good night to you.

With Love From Me

God's Smile

Life allows you to travel through it

Discovering the things that bring you great joy

A sense of self, love, and a servants heart

It is is in these moments where I believe God takes great joy

And smiles down on us

Traveling

So when I began writing here I had grand dreams for what my writings would be about
It was the beginning of a new season I thought
One filled with love, hope, a sense of belonging
How far wrong I was, not even 24 hours of that ideal everything came crashing down
Each month that passes by, each day that enters my life I see a bit more of me
I am discovering a depth I never knew was there and a playful side that missed coming out
I am a woman with many firework shows to write about
I am a girl that just wants to go for a walk through the orange grove
It was the beginning of a beautiful firework show, but sitting from a different view

Freedom Moments

Freedom Moments...
Its learning what this looks like
And how this is supposed to be in ones life
Never have I had so many moments
I can keep running from it
Or I can embrace it as one embracing the sun after a long stormy night
Its the sweet simple moments were I see freedom running in
It's in the less dramatic moments were I hear the LORD speak softy
This my daughter is what I have intended for you
This is what it has been about
This is how it is supposed to be
Even with the world spinning around and nothing seems quite settled
This is what it means to experience true freedom
Rest
Be satisfied
Continue on the Journey
Freedom Moments are some of my favorite moments in life

Close to the Heart

As she got out from the car she looked around
It was all so much to take in
Her lungs filled with the sweet mountain air
Her heart began to fill with a pain unexplainable
Her face was alit with the sun beaming bright
Each step she took was one closer to an answer
Each step was one closer to a closure she sought
Then in one moment
One look at that face her heart broke
Her heart cried out in a pain she had with held
She stared straight into those eyes that only wanted to speak the truth
She stared straight into those eyes that only wanted to speak of hope
She is sorry she had not spent more time
She was sorry she had not said I love you more
She loved him
She truly believed a sad truth in the world
That some things you don't realize how much you love them
Until they are but a memory

Summer Conversations

We are who we are
Time continues on as we continue to make choices
Some of the best conversations come with this large mass before us
There is something about it that just makes me want to share
There is something about it that reminds me that You are right there
There is something about it that reminds me it is ok to share
We have become a bit stronger because of what we have walked through together
We have laughed a little bit more
We have shared a bit more than most
Thank you for helping me to discover a bit more of life in ways I only dreamt of
Thank you for sharing with me your life that is like a secret book
We are who we are and for now that is good enough

Tears

I am becoming

I am taking care of myself
It is the first time in a long time
It is a process of denying and receving
Much of my life has been about receiving
Yet when I look at my life now...
I am so much more fulfilled in the letting go and denying aspect
Each day is a new lesson
A new challenge
A new adventure
I am becoming that girl that dances as though no one is watching
I am becoming that girl that truly lives in the day
I am becoming someone I enjoy being around

Worth a Million Words

One of my most amazing friends took this of me in Greece. The moment she showed it to me we both sat there in silence for a while. It was one of those pictures you could only capture once. We did not take the time to practice this shot over and over, it just happened and the thing is this picture reveals so much. Much of my life at this present stage that I will never be able to put into words, but she and I know. She and I know that this picture truly does speak a million words. Thank you my dear friend for capturing a moment in my life I hope to never forget.

With Love...Me

The Start of an Interesting Journey

" I have had prayers answered - most strangely so sometimes - but I think our heavenly Father's loving-kindness has been even more evident in what He has refused me." Lewis Carroll

Life

"Within us all there are wells of thought and dynamos of energy which are not suspected until emergencies arise."
– Thomas J. Watson

Strength

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help. and he will say: HERE AM I.
ISAIAH 58:8,9

The Fateful Night

You will never read this, but it is days like this that I wish I had not gone. It is days like this that I wish I would have gone with you. It is days like this that I wish you would have thought of me. It is days like this that I wish you would have prooved a year of doubt wrong. I called you that morning to tell you that I loved you, that I had come to love you. I had made my own choice taking in what others had said, but knowing that my choice was my choice. I hate feeling this way. I wish I could lack emotion just for a moment. But then what kind of life would that be? to not feel and experience the real life around me. You had hoped for a fairytale I had hoped for a real life true love. What happened happened for the best. Despite all the humaness in me I knew. I knew from the very moment I called you a yellow. I wanted to believe you were my pink over the last year. I felt as though that last week a part of me died. It was my fault and my choice. I miss you, but the crazy thing about all of this is that I can live without you and I will continue to do so. But there was a moment in time where I had wished that not to be the case. Despite everything above I am ok. I have good days and bad days. My life is at a good spot right now and as you and I have talked many times God has my heart and I knew I had to continue to wait, but when my heart hurts like it does I wish the response would have been different that fateful night.

The Very Power

"When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all."

~C.S. Lewis

What Hurts

What Hurts The Most
I can take the rain On the roof of this empty house That don’t bother meI can take a few tears now and then And I just let ‘em out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though goin’ on with you gone still upsets meThere are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most Was being so closeAnd havin’ so much to sayAnd watchin’ you walk awayAnd never knowin’What could’ve beenAnd not seein’ that lovin’ you Is what I was tryin’ to do It’s hard to deal with the pain Of losin’ you everywhere I go But I’m doin’ it

It’s hard to force that smileWhen I see our old friends and I’m aloneStill harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret But I know if I could do it overI would trade, give away All the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspokenNot seein’ that lovin’ you That’s what I was trying to do.

5 months

I wish I knew the hours

I wish I knew more than I do now

In less than 5 months this will be home

I have less than 5 months to take in what is here

I have less than 5 months to say goodbye to so much stuff

In less than 5 months I will have to say goodbye to so many I love

In less than 5 months one of the greatest adventures of my life begins!

Just a little less than 5 months

Here I Stand

Here I stand.
Awaiting and ready.
Here I stand.
In hope and prayer.
Here I stand.
With a new season at hand.

The Pink Outnumber the Yellow

Have you ever felt like you are on a bus moving quickly away from something important?
It is exactly how I feel in these present days
Its as though you are about to take one of the biggest chances of your life and you are told to go
Why do I feel as though I am the only one supposed to get on the bus?
Why is it that I wish someone was following my bus not wanting to let me go, yet I know they are not?
Some much change
So little time
So many questions
With no answers in sight
A journey is a near
But the journey afar is all of what I desire
It makes the most sense
It has the most peace
But there is something within me that wishes you were following my bus.
But I know I am still waiting for my pink.
The pink out number the yellow.
I believe that.
I walk into that.
I trust that.
So on the bus I go.
Doing my best to not look behind.

To Julien

I miss you already Julien...Yet I trust that He knows my heart. Goodbye...

To You

To you whom I have come to love
I wish you all that is yours for the taking and more
I pray you find peace in whom you become
I pray you believe those words you spoke to me
Those last words
We now part ways as I go to adventure the great unknown and you stay here
Whatever adventures await you I hope you are happy
I hope you find exactly what you are looking for
I came to love you...but I highly doubt you will ever know that
I already miss you...but I pray it does not stay long