Monday, October 05, 2009

Cup of Contemplation

Lessons I learned ages ago are coming back my way, however not in the way you might think. I am an only child and I think one particular disadvantage about growing up this way is that I had this huge need for people. Now a gift that comes from this is that I can handle being alone perfectly well. I easily embrace the opportunities to be alone, but deep down within who I am I don't want to be left behind and I don't want to be alone.

The lesson that comes back to me is that I have grown. I have come to this place in life where I care very deeply for the people around me, but I don't put them at the center of my world. I am no longer the clingy girl who tried everything to get people to like her and even love her. Yes of course I still have the desire to be loved, but I have come to an acceptance that not everyone is going to love me or even like me. There will be seasons that I walk alone and seasons where I am embraced by many people who do truly care for me.

I guess the reason this comes up is because I am watching a couple friends walk the road of clinging to any hand they are able to reach rather than relaxing and letting go and partially falling to wherever they need to fall in order to be at peace with the themselves. It is truly an amazing thing when you come full swing in regards to your specific life lessons. It feels...its feels quite liberating actually.

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