This feels a bit like our house right now. Thank goodness we don't live in a tree though!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Hugs...
H- Hope. It is the well spring of life, it gives us something to cling to and remind us that there is still good in this life and the situations we face on a daily basis.
U- Understanding of others. Each of us has a different path to walk, we cross each other's paths along the way and because of that it makes this journey of life so much more fun and possible to walk. We don't have to walk alone, but we take the time to step outside of ourselves and think of others; it creates this beautiful domino effect.
G- Grace. It's a gift to be given and there is truly something refreshing about it when we are the ones to receive it.
S- Strength. That no matter what this life may hand us we can get through. We are pretty incredibly made and what we can take on always astounds me. Like hearing about my friend whose husband of one year has been shipped off to the Middle East for another tour of duty, my great Aunt knocking at every health organization's door to provide a solution to her very sick husband, new parents being told that their newborn baby is going to life threatening issues throughout his whole life. Strength to make it through no matter what.
I'm missing Graeme right now. It really can be the littlest thing that triggers it. The reality that I think I haven't felt more alone than I do right now. God and my journal are probably the ones who know me the best at this moment. It's a season of transition and not really having a place to call my own. It takes me back to my freshman year of college and those monumental first few weeks...transitional weeks of a small town girl trying to figure out her way in a "big city" on a "big campus". Now it's still the small town girl trying to find her way in this "big world" walking into a new "big adventure".
So, if you happen to see me a hug is most welcome. It's a sweet reminder that everything is going to be ok.
U- Understanding of others. Each of us has a different path to walk, we cross each other's paths along the way and because of that it makes this journey of life so much more fun and possible to walk. We don't have to walk alone, but we take the time to step outside of ourselves and think of others; it creates this beautiful domino effect.
G- Grace. It's a gift to be given and there is truly something refreshing about it when we are the ones to receive it.
S- Strength. That no matter what this life may hand us we can get through. We are pretty incredibly made and what we can take on always astounds me. Like hearing about my friend whose husband of one year has been shipped off to the Middle East for another tour of duty, my great Aunt knocking at every health organization's door to provide a solution to her very sick husband, new parents being told that their newborn baby is going to life threatening issues throughout his whole life. Strength to make it through no matter what.
I'm missing Graeme right now. It really can be the littlest thing that triggers it. The reality that I think I haven't felt more alone than I do right now. God and my journal are probably the ones who know me the best at this moment. It's a season of transition and not really having a place to call my own. It takes me back to my freshman year of college and those monumental first few weeks...transitional weeks of a small town girl trying to figure out her way in a "big city" on a "big campus". Now it's still the small town girl trying to find her way in this "big world" walking into a new "big adventure".
So, if you happen to see me a hug is most welcome. It's a sweet reminder that everything is going to be ok.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The First Piece of Good News
Approval comes in many forms...this was the highlight of my February...
This little letter holds what we like to call "approval" of your fiance visa application! My reaction is one for the record books (or so my roommate tells me). Graeme was the one to tell me which was the best way to find out.
He had been checking the government site for months now and on the night of our date night, he happened to check one more time. Approved had been filled in. We were approved! He called, didn't even wait for me to get on skype, he just called (and I love him for it). He told me he had news and I got three guesses. I thought about saying the approval of our application, but then again it was too soon. I had set myself up to be waiting another two more months for this approval (because it had already been extended another two months previously). I guessed it any ways, because I still had hope. I screamed (and startled my roommate in the process). Then I got up and walked to the kitchen still joyful, but silently cried at the same time. It was just a natural reaction to release what had been building up inside; finally to have some good news. Some reward to the waiting.
I have had a couple people ask me if we are doing marriage counseling and we have worked through a couple books and sought the council of some pastors; but can I just say that what Graeme and I are experiencing in these months is by far some of the best council that anyone could have leading towards marriage. The patience, communication, being better at arguing, listening, loving when you can't touch; they are incredible lessons to learn before entering into marriage.
Now, we wait for Graeme's interview to be able to receive his fiance visa, we wait to book his flight over, we wait to plan a wedding, we wait. But with one big milestone it doesn't feel like such a long wait after all.
I love you Graeme and I am here waiting and will continue to wait through whatever storm, government agency, flight delay God would have us go through. Here's to celebrating the rest of the approvals we need in order to be together again!
He had been checking the government site for months now and on the night of our date night, he happened to check one more time. Approved had been filled in. We were approved! He called, didn't even wait for me to get on skype, he just called (and I love him for it). He told me he had news and I got three guesses. I thought about saying the approval of our application, but then again it was too soon. I had set myself up to be waiting another two more months for this approval (because it had already been extended another two months previously). I guessed it any ways, because I still had hope. I screamed (and startled my roommate in the process). Then I got up and walked to the kitchen still joyful, but silently cried at the same time. It was just a natural reaction to release what had been building up inside; finally to have some good news. Some reward to the waiting.
I have had a couple people ask me if we are doing marriage counseling and we have worked through a couple books and sought the council of some pastors; but can I just say that what Graeme and I are experiencing in these months is by far some of the best council that anyone could have leading towards marriage. The patience, communication, being better at arguing, listening, loving when you can't touch; they are incredible lessons to learn before entering into marriage.
Now, we wait for Graeme's interview to be able to receive his fiance visa, we wait to book his flight over, we wait to plan a wedding, we wait. But with one big milestone it doesn't feel like such a long wait after all.
I love you Graeme and I am here waiting and will continue to wait through whatever storm, government agency, flight delay God would have us go through. Here's to celebrating the rest of the approvals we need in order to be together again!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
So Many Exciting Things to Share...
and they will come...this weekend when I have tons of time to write!
How exciting a weekend to write, read, and watch a movie or two! Yay!
It's the simple things in life folks :) When you're waiting on the BIG stuff you learn to enjoy the smallest of pleasures.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Waiting on Approval
I find the title appropriate for so many aspects of my life lately...waiting on approval from family and the choices I have made, waiting on approval from those I report up to at work that what I am doing is good enough and exactly what they were looking for, waiting on approval to marry the man I love. But really I think the first two are ones I am just going to have to let go and realize that who Heidi is and what she brings to the table is enough and it is good. My choices have been my choices and yes when I am was in high school, college, and now part of my adult life I have made some poor ones (but who hasn't!?). So whether my family approves or not I am making my own way in this life the best way I believe God has given me. The second, well all I can do is put my best foot forward each day and trust that what I bring to the table is enough whether I hear about it or not.
The last one I can't quite let go that easily. I am struggling with this one. I get that there are laws in place for certain reasons, but it is hard when it separates you from that one person who gets you more than any other person on this planet.
So about 3 weeks ago we got told that our early spring wedding was probably not going to take place because for whatever reason paperwork isn't moving as fast as they had hoped and it would and it would just be cutting it too close for Graeme to get here. It's like being told Christmas is on the 25th, but then oh wait we have to change it this year to February 25th for technical difficulties. Thankfully, after the tears had been wiped away and the ache of disappointment subsided, the date was able to move and all the vendors were able to work with the new date. But I still carry this disappoint with me.
I get asked periodically how I am doing (and I am so thankful that people care enough to ask), but to be able to answer honestly it's a lot and I also know it's a lot for people to take on. So I come up with a "fine...making lemonade of lemons" kind of statement and hope that is enough to have them nod and tell me how sorry they are and he'll be here soon response (which again...the fact that people even take the time to ask is wonderful in and of itself). Still makes me feel as though I am standing alone on dance floor as everyone has coupled up and has begun to dance to a song that I don't know, let alone the steps.
Because of this I am practicing my own dance...not caring who watches or thinks I am doing it wrong because it's my dance. My dance to hold me over till I get that approval that makes life just a tad bit sweeter.
The last one I can't quite let go that easily. I am struggling with this one. I get that there are laws in place for certain reasons, but it is hard when it separates you from that one person who gets you more than any other person on this planet.
So about 3 weeks ago we got told that our early spring wedding was probably not going to take place because for whatever reason paperwork isn't moving as fast as they had hoped and it would and it would just be cutting it too close for Graeme to get here. It's like being told Christmas is on the 25th, but then oh wait we have to change it this year to February 25th for technical difficulties. Thankfully, after the tears had been wiped away and the ache of disappointment subsided, the date was able to move and all the vendors were able to work with the new date. But I still carry this disappoint with me.
I get asked periodically how I am doing (and I am so thankful that people care enough to ask), but to be able to answer honestly it's a lot and I also know it's a lot for people to take on. So I come up with a "fine...making lemonade of lemons" kind of statement and hope that is enough to have them nod and tell me how sorry they are and he'll be here soon response (which again...the fact that people even take the time to ask is wonderful in and of itself). Still makes me feel as though I am standing alone on dance floor as everyone has coupled up and has begun to dance to a song that I don't know, let alone the steps.
Because of this I am practicing my own dance...not caring who watches or thinks I am doing it wrong because it's my dance. My dance to hold me over till I get that approval that makes life just a tad bit sweeter.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Our First Pet
Update: so Graeme decided to actually go celebrate with Buddy...went and took him his very first cupcake...he's the best :)
Below is Graeme and my first pet, a pet squid we named Buddy and today is his first birthday!
We ended up "finding" Buddy because when I was down in New Zealand last year I wanted to go view this colossal squid that was on display because it had been caught on my birthday while living there and I had found the whole story behind it so fascinating. So Graeme so kindly put up with me and went along for the adventure!
I don't really like squids, but seeing this one and learning a bit more about them was truly a fun and enlightening experince.
Anyways, all of that to say Happy Birthday Buddy! You have been a great pet squid!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Safe
I think I am on a kick with lyrics lately...they just do a much better of job of expressing what it is that I want to, but can't.
To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong he'll never let you go
oh you're not alone
Chorus:
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone
Bridge:
These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free
~Safe; Phil Wickham
To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong he'll never let you go
oh you're not alone
Chorus:
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone
Bridge:
These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free
~Safe; Phil Wickham
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tis the Season
Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
~Hallelujah; Susan Boyle
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Road Map Through Life
When talking with my friends about my life, I have always explained that I tend to look for others that have a similar story line going, because that way I will know how things turn out. Now obviously this is a silly way to go through life, because the reality is my life will never quite look like theirs. It will look like mine and therefore I am going to have to trust the steps that I take to be ones that propel me forward not backwards.
Lately, I am making a lot of forward steps, so much so that everything seems new, there is no familiarity, and there are no signs that anyone around me has walked this road to give me a glimmer of hope that was is to come is well worth it. I can talk a good game of change and like I have written here so many times, change can be such a great thing and like a breath of refresh air, but when it happens all it once, in every aspect of my life I can't help but get scared just a little.
I had a good conversation with God about this just this morning. It started off with me apologizing for not writing enough or investing in the relationship like I should, but I knew He understood, because I know that He knows me better than I do, and through this conversation of sorts I came to the conclusion that I get in the way of myself. I know who I am and who I was created to be, so rather than leaning into fear or the road maps of others I must lean into faith and the knowledge of who I am and who I have been created to be. As my life has continued on, I over the years, have been able to pin point my strengths and what I am gifted in, and now I have to start moving in those and walking in that hope that God has given me through them.
I read a lot and I write a lot and because of these two elements I love to know the ending. I think I apply the same perspective to my own life, I want to know how it ends, but for my life's aspect I think a part of that is propelled by fear. So rather than being propelled by fear I must be propelled by joy and learning to live better in the present moments I have been given rather than rushing through the "pages" to discover the ending.
I would have loved at around 15 for God to have given me a road map for where I was supposed to go and the choices I should make, but He loves me more than that. He loved me enough to let me fly and to ultimately have to make the day to day choice to trust Him and trust that I can make the good and sound choices of "right" or "left", staying in Southern California for the first year of marriage or moving to Portland (just an example) :)
This conversation with God won't end today though. I'm still scared, but I know His peace will surpass my fear and that will be enough to get through the next "right" or "left".
Lately, I am making a lot of forward steps, so much so that everything seems new, there is no familiarity, and there are no signs that anyone around me has walked this road to give me a glimmer of hope that was is to come is well worth it. I can talk a good game of change and like I have written here so many times, change can be such a great thing and like a breath of refresh air, but when it happens all it once, in every aspect of my life I can't help but get scared just a little.
I had a good conversation with God about this just this morning. It started off with me apologizing for not writing enough or investing in the relationship like I should, but I knew He understood, because I know that He knows me better than I do, and through this conversation of sorts I came to the conclusion that I get in the way of myself. I know who I am and who I was created to be, so rather than leaning into fear or the road maps of others I must lean into faith and the knowledge of who I am and who I have been created to be. As my life has continued on, I over the years, have been able to pin point my strengths and what I am gifted in, and now I have to start moving in those and walking in that hope that God has given me through them.
I read a lot and I write a lot and because of these two elements I love to know the ending. I think I apply the same perspective to my own life, I want to know how it ends, but for my life's aspect I think a part of that is propelled by fear. So rather than being propelled by fear I must be propelled by joy and learning to live better in the present moments I have been given rather than rushing through the "pages" to discover the ending.
I would have loved at around 15 for God to have given me a road map for where I was supposed to go and the choices I should make, but He loves me more than that. He loved me enough to let me fly and to ultimately have to make the day to day choice to trust Him and trust that I can make the good and sound choices of "right" or "left", staying in Southern California for the first year of marriage or moving to Portland (just an example) :)
This conversation with God won't end today though. I'm still scared, but I know His peace will surpass my fear and that will be enough to get through the next "right" or "left".
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Writings to Come
Loads going on in my little world, but I promise that there are stories and thoughts coming this...just have to make some room...
Monday, November 08, 2010
Wanderings of a Mind...
My mind wanders a lot especially in seasons like this. I was so foolish as a child to think that growing pains only occurred between the ages of 11 and 15.
I tried to prepare myself for what wedding planning would be like ( I think all in all I cared more for what marriage planning would look like rather than wedding planning) and I knew it would look something like this, but I was truly hoping (at least the half glass full Heidi was) that it would be easier. Yes, the idea of getting married on a beach with 10 people around is the ideal in my head, but I also know that for my family and for Graeme and I this is a season to celebrate.
I wish I could explain it better, these intense feelings, thoughts, and emotions that are running through me, but I can't. I am at a loss for words. I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and love and yet in part walking away from the only life I have ever known. There are still a lot of unknowns ahead and so that gives my mind plenty of room to wander...
If anything this has been a one solid comfort...something to fixate on as my mind wanders...
"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable
or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the
truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things." 1 Cor. 13: 4-7
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable
or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the
truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things." 1 Cor. 13: 4-7
Hope and Love two very powerful elements that I should remember to cling to a bit more tightly these days.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
It Really is a Small World
There really is no better way to put it than that. It is a small world.
So Graeme called me up the other night and told me this wild story, but before I share his story let me explain my portion of the story.
When Kristin and I moved to New Zealand in 2006 it took some work getting us there and even figuring out where were were going to live. By choices made in life I had made friends with one of the staff members at Vanguard named Amber, who had a sister who married a Kiwi and was currently living down there. So she gave me Jen's information and Jen and I emailed a bit back and forth. Our e-mails consisted of her telling me about parts of New Zealand and which cities she said would be best to be based out of. She was however partial to Wellington (which is where her and her husband were living). After a few more e-mail exchanges and discussing it with Kristin we decided Wellington was going to be the best fit.
Jen and I, I should mention have never met. She and her husband moved over to Asia right before or after Kristin and I got there and then when she and her husband would come back to New Zealand to visit it was always around the time a time that I was away or traveling.
Because of Jen, I ended up getting connected with a woman named Kellee, who connected me with our soon to be flat mates, who connected me with Arise, where it so happened that I met Graeme.
Now, back to Graeme's story. He was at church sitting on his own and midway through service at some point after finishing a song, the woman next to him leaned over and told him he had a nice singing voice. He said thank you and commented on her American accent. They got into a conversation about he was marrying an American and moving to the states. California to be exact. She said she was from California and he asked what part. She said Costa Mesa. He told her he was moving to Costa Mesa! Come to find out he was sitting next to Jen! The woman that had encouraged my choice of moving to Wellington, the simple act that allowed me to meet some incredible people, one of whom is about to become my husband. In their conversation they were able to make the connections that I was the girl that she had helped out a few years back. And here they sat, two strangers connected by some girl back in California.
It was a big deal to Graeme, but it was an even bigger deal to me. I know these things happen, but they don't happen everyday. It was as though my past and future were colliding and I couldn't be there to witness it.
Jen, I know you will probably never read this. But thank you for your simple act as a stranger. Your simple kindness has truly changed my life for the better.
So Graeme called me up the other night and told me this wild story, but before I share his story let me explain my portion of the story.
When Kristin and I moved to New Zealand in 2006 it took some work getting us there and even figuring out where were were going to live. By choices made in life I had made friends with one of the staff members at Vanguard named Amber, who had a sister who married a Kiwi and was currently living down there. So she gave me Jen's information and Jen and I emailed a bit back and forth. Our e-mails consisted of her telling me about parts of New Zealand and which cities she said would be best to be based out of. She was however partial to Wellington (which is where her and her husband were living). After a few more e-mail exchanges and discussing it with Kristin we decided Wellington was going to be the best fit.
Jen and I, I should mention have never met. She and her husband moved over to Asia right before or after Kristin and I got there and then when she and her husband would come back to New Zealand to visit it was always around the time a time that I was away or traveling.
Because of Jen, I ended up getting connected with a woman named Kellee, who connected me with our soon to be flat mates, who connected me with Arise, where it so happened that I met Graeme.
Now, back to Graeme's story. He was at church sitting on his own and midway through service at some point after finishing a song, the woman next to him leaned over and told him he had a nice singing voice. He said thank you and commented on her American accent. They got into a conversation about he was marrying an American and moving to the states. California to be exact. She said she was from California and he asked what part. She said Costa Mesa. He told her he was moving to Costa Mesa! Come to find out he was sitting next to Jen! The woman that had encouraged my choice of moving to Wellington, the simple act that allowed me to meet some incredible people, one of whom is about to become my husband. In their conversation they were able to make the connections that I was the girl that she had helped out a few years back. And here they sat, two strangers connected by some girl back in California.
It was a big deal to Graeme, but it was an even bigger deal to me. I know these things happen, but they don't happen everyday. It was as though my past and future were colliding and I couldn't be there to witness it.
Jen, I know you will probably never read this. But thank you for your simple act as a stranger. Your simple kindness has truly changed my life for the better.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Can't Sleep...
So the nights when I can't sleep (we'll use tonight as an example) I pull out one of my favorite childhood classics and somehow it has this calming effect and I go straight to sleep. Whether it was because my Mum read to me almost every night when I was a child or just the very act of reading and having to focus on something helps my mind slow down, I am not sure. I have to say though, I find this to be a much better route than counting sheep :)
Goodnight...
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
The Hand of God
God will never cease to amaze in how He chooses to operate and work. I had someone that I loved very much on my heart about a month ago and I decided to write them a letter I would never send. So in fact it was more of a prayer written in a letter fashion and I just discovered tonight that five days after writing it, each of my specific prayers were being answered in this person's life.
God is big. He is much bigger than I give Him credit for...the credit and honor He deserves. He gets my attention and ultimately demands it in great times of need. No matter how stubborn I may be at certain moments it is that kind of authority that I can not deny to pay attention to.
I am still amazed when I read over my words and my dear one's words. When we truly love I find that God enters in with such a force and such a rush that you can not helped but be knocked down a bit. Now, if I could only do this with all of my relationships. Something to work on. Something to make room for in my life.
This was a sweet reminder as I walk into a season of great uncertainty that God knows. He will place me on people's hearts who may perhaps spend everyday with me or those who haven't seen me in years. I know He has it covered and I trust Him with that covering.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
We Get What We Ask For
Graeme is gone.
The reality of that is starting to truly sink in 24 hours later. Now he isn't gone forever, just gone until the federal government says he is allowed back in. Here is hoping that is sometime before March 27...our planned wedding date.
Most of my friends look at our story and then look at me and smile with this cheshire cat grin and slyly remind me that over the past 6 or 7 years I have been patiently waiting and in that waiting asking God for a crazy story. Asking God for a love story that would not only shape my life but the lives around me. This is exactly our story. Not only are Graeme and I being shaped by this path we are having to walk, but so are those closest to us.
I think it is safe to say that we have both been left in a state of awe for how much support and encouragement we are being given as we walk into these next 5 months or more apart and for that I will be eternally grateful. With this time I also believe we both have been handed a gift. He gets a chance to really soak in time at home with family and friends...his home...his country. I get time with the women and people who have made a great impact on my life; significantly those who have stood beside me these last 5 years. The pain of being apart of course will be great, but it just makes the reunion that much sweeter.
I asked for a crazy story and crazy is what I am getting. With crazy comes a cost, but the rewards to me far outweigh the cost.
The reality of that is starting to truly sink in 24 hours later. Now he isn't gone forever, just gone until the federal government says he is allowed back in. Here is hoping that is sometime before March 27...our planned wedding date.
Most of my friends look at our story and then look at me and smile with this cheshire cat grin and slyly remind me that over the past 6 or 7 years I have been patiently waiting and in that waiting asking God for a crazy story. Asking God for a love story that would not only shape my life but the lives around me. This is exactly our story. Not only are Graeme and I being shaped by this path we are having to walk, but so are those closest to us.
I think it is safe to say that we have both been left in a state of awe for how much support and encouragement we are being given as we walk into these next 5 months or more apart and for that I will be eternally grateful. With this time I also believe we both have been handed a gift. He gets a chance to really soak in time at home with family and friends...his home...his country. I get time with the women and people who have made a great impact on my life; significantly those who have stood beside me these last 5 years. The pain of being apart of course will be great, but it just makes the reunion that much sweeter.
I asked for a crazy story and crazy is what I am getting. With crazy comes a cost, but the rewards to me far outweigh the cost.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Surprise...surprise...surprise...
I am not even sure to begin, so maybe I should start where most stories do...at the beginning...I chose love and in choosing love I fell in love.
Graeme David Swift was a boy who didn't exist in my mind 4 years ago and now he has taken this predominant place in my life. He has asked me to be his wife and I have said yes! This is the story of how he pulled off the most amazing surprise.
Graeme started writing me very specific letters about 2 months ago. Each with their own words of affirmation, things he saw in me that he felt drew me to him, moments that had made him fall in love with me. Each Friday one of my coworkers and I would make the trek to the post office and open that PO Box with such great delight to find a Laura Ashley stationery letter waiting there just for me. They were 8 fantastic Friday's. Until the 9th Friday came and no letter. Graeme said he was sorry, but he mailed this one a bit late and it would arrive shortly. So Monday came and went, Tuesday came and went, Wednesday came and went...by this point I just decided to wait for a few days before going back...so I stayed busy. Another Monday came and went and by this point Graeme was at a conference and super busy, so I knew there was no real chance of getting to talk to him and see possibly where this letter went missing...my guess was it was somewhere in the Pacific ocean ;)
Tuesday was a super busy day and I never made it to the post office, which made me hopeful for Wednesday. I woke up that morning a little bit behind schedule...I just couldn't seem to get out the door and I kept second guessing my choices, but by the time I left the house I had cleaned it up a bit, showered, had breakfast, and was ready to start my day of work. Mind you also, I had plans to go to a sweet lunch with my boss and play "hooky" the rest of the day with her, so it only added to the excitement of my day.
Work was crazy and I was busy most of the morning and at around 12:30 my boss comes to find me (as I was away from my desk) and she puts her arm through mine (which seems odd) and says she needs to show me something and then as we approach our aisle of cubes she says, "your friend is here". And there stands my roommate in my cube with a change of clothes, a letter, and a sly smile on her face...I go white. I know exactly what she is doing here and I can't believe today is the day. The sneaky girl! We had just talked last night...we had made plans this weekend...a girly weekend...and here she stands with that letter! As she hands me the letter she explains that I need to change and that we are headed to where Graeme is waiting. I start to go into shock. So I open the letter. I read the words on the page and I begin to cry silently. I still can't believe today is the day and I can't believe he is here. He is somewhere close, waiting for me.
So through all the chaos of my department finding out today was the day (a bet was going on when he would show up) I get changed and Sarah and I leave. As we walk to the car she explains that she is going to drive around for a bit, because there is another surprise waiting in the car. As I open the passenger door there sits a hard bound book with pictures of Graeme and I on it. As I begin to read I realize it is a book filled with all the things he has come to know and love about me. The little things that make up me. We, over the years have exchanged hundreds if not thousands of emails and in these emails we have a question section and he had taken many of my responses to these questions and placed them in a creative manner into this book. He captured a piece of us and it was classic. The last page said..."I have one more question to ask you..." and I turned the page and there was the large word "soon" typed out. It has been his typical response the last few months whenever I asked him if he was coming. All I would ever get was the response, "soon". I hated the word soon. Today, I could not have been more happy to see it.
Sarah had been watching me read through the book and at some point headed for the direction of where Graeme was hiding out. When I realized the direction she was headed in I knew where he was. It was a park that he and I had walked to his second night here on his first trip out. We had talked for probably 4 or 5 hours on the swings, just catching a tangible glimpse of who each other was. He didn't know this at the time of the proposal, but it was probably the last place that I was unsure of how I felt for this guy, so it was fitting that it would be the place he asks me and I am so sure.
When we arrive Sarah pulls up and I get out of the car. Graeme is already walking toward me and I can't believe it is actually him, when this whole time he was supposed to be at conference! We hug for what seems to be ages and he takes my hand and walks me to the swing set. He sits me down and gets down on one knee. He says a lot of wonderful things that I don't remember, but because he knows me so well he wrote them down, so I would be able to look back on what he said! And then he asked me to marry him, which of course I said yes!
I can't believe it is him. I can't believe my travels through puppy love, infatuation love, to a true choice of love has lead me to this spot in life with this incredible man. When I get asked if he is my dream guy I say no, because he is far better. My dream guy to be honest didn't have much of personality...he was pretty flat and unrealistic. Graeme meets me where I am at. When I am having a rough day and trying to explain myself it seems as though he is already on the other end of my explanation just waiting to be present however I might need him. He has already made an incredible best friend and is going to make an incredible partner in this life.
Graeme David Swift was a boy who didn't exist in my mind 4 years ago and now he has taken this predominant place in my life. He has asked me to be his wife and I have said yes! This is the story of how he pulled off the most amazing surprise.
Graeme started writing me very specific letters about 2 months ago. Each with their own words of affirmation, things he saw in me that he felt drew me to him, moments that had made him fall in love with me. Each Friday one of my coworkers and I would make the trek to the post office and open that PO Box with such great delight to find a Laura Ashley stationery letter waiting there just for me. They were 8 fantastic Friday's. Until the 9th Friday came and no letter. Graeme said he was sorry, but he mailed this one a bit late and it would arrive shortly. So Monday came and went, Tuesday came and went, Wednesday came and went...by this point I just decided to wait for a few days before going back...so I stayed busy. Another Monday came and went and by this point Graeme was at a conference and super busy, so I knew there was no real chance of getting to talk to him and see possibly where this letter went missing...my guess was it was somewhere in the Pacific ocean ;)
Tuesday was a super busy day and I never made it to the post office, which made me hopeful for Wednesday. I woke up that morning a little bit behind schedule...I just couldn't seem to get out the door and I kept second guessing my choices, but by the time I left the house I had cleaned it up a bit, showered, had breakfast, and was ready to start my day of work. Mind you also, I had plans to go to a sweet lunch with my boss and play "hooky" the rest of the day with her, so it only added to the excitement of my day.
Work was crazy and I was busy most of the morning and at around 12:30 my boss comes to find me (as I was away from my desk) and she puts her arm through mine (which seems odd) and says she needs to show me something and then as we approach our aisle of cubes she says, "your friend is here". And there stands my roommate in my cube with a change of clothes, a letter, and a sly smile on her face...I go white. I know exactly what she is doing here and I can't believe today is the day. The sneaky girl! We had just talked last night...we had made plans this weekend...a girly weekend...and here she stands with that letter! As she hands me the letter she explains that I need to change and that we are headed to where Graeme is waiting. I start to go into shock. So I open the letter. I read the words on the page and I begin to cry silently. I still can't believe today is the day and I can't believe he is here. He is somewhere close, waiting for me.
So through all the chaos of my department finding out today was the day (a bet was going on when he would show up) I get changed and Sarah and I leave. As we walk to the car she explains that she is going to drive around for a bit, because there is another surprise waiting in the car. As I open the passenger door there sits a hard bound book with pictures of Graeme and I on it. As I begin to read I realize it is a book filled with all the things he has come to know and love about me. The little things that make up me. We, over the years have exchanged hundreds if not thousands of emails and in these emails we have a question section and he had taken many of my responses to these questions and placed them in a creative manner into this book. He captured a piece of us and it was classic. The last page said..."I have one more question to ask you..." and I turned the page and there was the large word "soon" typed out. It has been his typical response the last few months whenever I asked him if he was coming. All I would ever get was the response, "soon". I hated the word soon. Today, I could not have been more happy to see it.
Sarah had been watching me read through the book and at some point headed for the direction of where Graeme was hiding out. When I realized the direction she was headed in I knew where he was. It was a park that he and I had walked to his second night here on his first trip out. We had talked for probably 4 or 5 hours on the swings, just catching a tangible glimpse of who each other was. He didn't know this at the time of the proposal, but it was probably the last place that I was unsure of how I felt for this guy, so it was fitting that it would be the place he asks me and I am so sure.
When we arrive Sarah pulls up and I get out of the car. Graeme is already walking toward me and I can't believe it is actually him, when this whole time he was supposed to be at conference! We hug for what seems to be ages and he takes my hand and walks me to the swing set. He sits me down and gets down on one knee. He says a lot of wonderful things that I don't remember, but because he knows me so well he wrote them down, so I would be able to look back on what he said! And then he asked me to marry him, which of course I said yes!
I can't believe it is him. I can't believe my travels through puppy love, infatuation love, to a true choice of love has lead me to this spot in life with this incredible man. When I get asked if he is my dream guy I say no, because he is far better. My dream guy to be honest didn't have much of personality...he was pretty flat and unrealistic. Graeme meets me where I am at. When I am having a rough day and trying to explain myself it seems as though he is already on the other end of my explanation just waiting to be present however I might need him. He has already made an incredible best friend and is going to make an incredible partner in this life.
Off on our first "official" dress up kind of date! All in all it made for a pretty sweet and memorable Wednesday!
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Living in a Season Filled with Love
I started my new year on Orange Ave and here I sit 7 months later in my new home just a few blocks from where the "party" began, filled with so much anticipation for what the next 7 months hold.
My start to 2010 brought 2 weeks of house sitting with one of the largest dogs I have ever seen in my entire life. An adventure to spend some time with the boy and friends down in New Zealand. A move away from a house I truly enjoyed living in for 2 years. A move to a place that reminded me of home. 3 different bosses. 1 childhood friend's wedding. 1 college friend's wedding. Now back to the place I started my Southern California journey 8 years ago.
Having had some time to process all of these mini adventures packed into a short 7 months, I can only imagine what the next 7 months will hold. But I know it will be filled with loads of love, more piano playing (as seen below), great meals with wonderful friends, and a few surprises along the way I am sure.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Sweeter Side of Life
So much to say and so many thoughts running through my head...now if I could only clear some space up there to actually write something worth reading...
Monday, July 19, 2010
Hello Blog
Dear Blog,
I just wanted to let you know I am sorry for not making the time or space for you these past few weeks.
With moving, marriages, and a visit from Mum writing has taken a bit of a back seat.
I promise it isn't forever, but maybe just a few more days...a week tops. I promise.
Thanks for understanding blog I really appreciate it.
Talk to you soon!
Your Favorite Writer
(HNG)
I just wanted to let you know I am sorry for not making the time or space for you these past few weeks.
With moving, marriages, and a visit from Mum writing has taken a bit of a back seat.
I promise it isn't forever, but maybe just a few more days...a week tops. I promise.
Thanks for understanding blog I really appreciate it.
Talk to you soon!
Your Favorite Writer
(HNG)
Sunday, July 04, 2010
A Sweet Reflection
"'He will sit like a refiner of silver...' "
Malachi 3:3 NLT
Malachi 3:3 NLT
Are you in the refiner's fire today? If you are, don't rebel or try to run away, just sit still and let the refiner do His work. The Bible says: 'He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross. He will purify [them], refining them like gold and silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.' (Malachi 3:3 NLT) A woman who read this verse at a Bible study wanted to know how it related to her walk with God, so she made an appointment with the silversmith.
Without mentioning anything other than a general interest in the process, she sat and observed him work. She watched as he held the silver over the fire, explaining that in order to burn away every impurity he had to keep it in the middle where it was hottest. She asked him if he usually sat in front of the fire the entire time. 'Yes,' he replied, 'not only do I have to hold it, I must watch it. If I leave it there too long it will be destroyed.' After thinking about that for a while she asked, 'How do you know when the process is complete?' Smiling, he replied, 'That's easy; I see my face reflected in it.'
If you're in the refiner's fire today, remember: (a) He knows what He's doing, so trust Him (b) He won't allow you to be destroyed by the circumstances, or take His eye off you (c) when the process is complete, you'll be more like Jesus and less like your old self. Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you've prayed for?
*Courtesy of twft devotions
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