Safe

I think I am on a kick with lyrics lately...they just do a much better of job of expressing what it is that I want to, but can't.

To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong he'll never let you go
oh you're not alone

Chorus:
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone

Bridge:
These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free

~Safe; Phil Wickham 

Tis the Season

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah


~Hallelujah; Susan Boyle

Road Map Through Life

When talking with my friends about my life, I have always explained that I tend to look for others that have a similar story line going, because that way I will know how things turn out. Now obviously this is a silly way to go through life, because the reality is my life will never quite look like theirs. It will look like mine and therefore I am going to have to trust the steps that I take to be ones that propel me forward not backwards.

Lately, I am making a lot of forward steps, so much so that everything seems new, there is no familiarity, and there are no signs that anyone around me has walked this road to give me a glimmer of hope that was is to come is well worth it. I can talk a good game of change and like I have written here so many times, change can be such a great thing and like a breath of refresh air, but when it happens all it once, in every aspect of my life I can't help but get scared just a little.

I had a good conversation with God about this just this morning. It started off with me apologizing for not writing enough or investing in the relationship like I should, but I knew He understood, because I know that He knows me better than I do, and through this conversation of sorts I came to the conclusion that I get in the way of myself. I know who I am and who I was created to be, so rather than leaning into fear or the road maps of others I must lean into faith and the knowledge of who I am and who I have been created to be. As my life has continued on, I over the years, have been able to pin point my strengths and what I am gifted in, and now I have to start moving in those and walking in that hope that God has given me through them.

I read a lot and I write a lot and because of these two elements I love to know the ending. I think I apply the same perspective to my own life, I want to know how it ends, but for my life's aspect I think a part of that is propelled by fear. So rather than being propelled by fear I must be propelled by joy and learning to live better in the present moments I have been given rather than rushing through the "pages" to discover the ending.

I would have loved at around 15 for God to have given me a road map for where I was supposed to go and the choices I should make, but He loves me more than that. He loved me enough to let me fly and to ultimately have to make the day to day choice to trust Him and trust that I can make the good and sound choices of "right" or "left", staying in Southern California for the first year of marriage or moving to Portland (just an example) :)

This conversation with God won't end today though. I'm still scared, but I know His peace will surpass my fear and that will be enough to get through the next "right" or "left".

Writings to Come

Loads going on in my little world, but I promise that there are stories and thoughts coming this...just have to make some room...

Wanderings of a Mind...

My mind wanders a lot especially in seasons like this. I was so foolish as a child to think that growing pains only occurred between the ages of 11 and 15. 

I tried to prepare myself for what wedding planning would be like ( I think all in all I cared more for what marriage planning would look like rather than wedding planning) and I knew it would look something like this, but I was truly hoping (at least the half glass full Heidi was) that it would be easier. Yes, the idea of getting married on a beach with 10 people around is the ideal in my head, but I also know that for my family and for Graeme and I this is a season to celebrate. 

I wish I could explain it better, these intense feelings, thoughts, and emotions that are running through me, but I can't. I am at a loss for words. I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and love and yet in part walking away from the only life I have ever known. There are still a lot of unknowns ahead and so that gives my mind plenty of room to wander...

If anything this has been a one solid comfort...something to fixate on as my mind wanders...

"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable
or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the
truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things." 1 Cor. 13: 4-7

Hope and Love two very powerful elements that I should remember to cling to a bit more tightly these days.

It Really is a Small World

There really is no better way to put it than that. It is a small world.

So Graeme called me up the other night and told me this wild story, but before I share his story let me explain my portion of the story.

When Kristin and I moved to New Zealand in 2006 it took some work getting us there and even figuring out where were were going to live. By choices made in life I had made friends with one of the staff members at Vanguard named Amber, who had a sister who married a Kiwi and was currently living down there. So she gave me Jen's information and Jen and I emailed a bit back and forth. Our e-mails consisted of her telling me about parts of New Zealand and which cities she said would be best to be based out of. She was however partial to Wellington (which is where her and her husband were living). After a few more e-mail exchanges and discussing it with Kristin we decided Wellington was going to be the best fit.

Jen and I, I should mention have never met. She and her husband moved over to Asia right before or after Kristin and I got there and then when she and her husband would come back to New Zealand to visit it was always around the time a time that I was away or traveling.

Because of Jen, I ended up getting connected with a woman named Kellee, who connected me with our soon to be flat mates, who connected me with Arise, where it so happened that I met Graeme.

Now, back to Graeme's story. He was at church sitting on his own and midway through service at some point after finishing a song, the woman next to him leaned over and told him he had a nice singing voice. He said thank you and commented on her American accent. They got into a conversation about he was marrying an American and moving to the states. California to be exact. She said she was from California and he asked what part. She said Costa Mesa. He told her he was moving to Costa Mesa! Come to find out he was sitting next to Jen! The woman that had encouraged my choice of moving to Wellington, the simple act that allowed me to meet some incredible people, one of whom is about to become my husband. In their conversation they were able to make the connections that I was the girl that she had helped out a few years back. And here they sat, two strangers connected by some girl back in California.

It was a big deal to Graeme, but it was an even bigger deal to me. I know these things happen, but they don't happen everyday. It was as though my past and future were colliding and I couldn't be there to witness it.

Jen, I know you will probably never read this. But thank you for your simple act as a stranger. Your simple kindness has truly changed my life for the better.

Can't Sleep...

So the nights when I can't sleep (we'll use tonight as an example) I pull out one of my favorite childhood classics and somehow it has this calming effect and I go straight to sleep. Whether it was because my Mum read to me almost every night when I was a child or just the very act of reading and having to focus on something helps my mind slow down, I am not sure. I have to say though, I find this to be a much better route than counting sheep :)

Goodnight...

The Hand of God

God will never cease to amaze in how He chooses to operate and work. I had someone that I loved very much on my heart about a month ago and I decided to write them a letter I would never send. So in fact it was more of a prayer written in a letter fashion and I just discovered tonight that five days after writing it, each of my specific prayers were being answered in this person's life.

God is big. He is much bigger than I give Him credit for...the credit and honor He deserves. He gets my attention and ultimately demands it in great times of need. No matter how stubborn I may be at certain moments it is that kind of authority that I can not deny to pay attention to.

I am still amazed when I read over my words and my dear one's words. When we truly love I find that God enters in with such a force and such a rush that you can not helped but be knocked down a bit. Now, if I could only do this with all of my relationships. Something to work on. Something to make room for in my life. 

This was a sweet reminder as I walk into a season of great uncertainty that God knows. He will place me on people's hearts who may perhaps spend everyday with me or those who haven't seen me in years. I know He has it covered and I trust Him with that covering.

We Get What We Ask For

Graeme is gone.

The reality of that is starting to truly sink in 24 hours later. Now he isn't gone forever, just gone until the federal government says he is allowed back in. Here is hoping that is sometime before March 27...our planned wedding date.

Most of my friends look at our story and then look at me and smile with this cheshire cat grin and slyly remind me that over the past 6 or 7 years I have been patiently waiting and in that waiting asking God for a crazy story. Asking God for a love story that would not only shape my life but the lives around me. This is exactly our story. Not only are Graeme and I being shaped by this path we are having to walk, but so are those closest to us.


I think it is safe to say that we have both been left in a state of awe for how much support and encouragement we are being given as we walk into these next 5 months or more apart and for that I will be eternally grateful. With this time I also believe we both have been handed a gift. He gets a chance to really soak in time at home with family and friends...his home...his country. I get time with the women and people who have made a great impact on my life; significantly those who have stood beside me these last 5 years. The pain of being apart of course will be great, but it just makes the reunion that much sweeter.

I asked for a crazy story and crazy is what I am getting. With crazy comes a cost, but the rewards to me far outweigh the cost.

Surprise...surprise...surprise...

I am not even sure to begin, so maybe I should start where most stories do...at the beginning...I chose love and in choosing love I fell in love.

Graeme David Swift was a boy who didn't exist in my mind 4 years ago and now he has taken this predominant place in my life. He has asked me to be his wife and I have said yes! This is the story of how he pulled off the most amazing surprise.

Graeme started writing me very specific letters about 2 months ago. Each with their own words of affirmation, things he saw in me that he felt drew me to him, moments that had made him fall in love with me. Each Friday one of my coworkers and I would make the trek to the post office and open that PO Box with such great delight to find a Laura Ashley stationery letter waiting there just for me. They were 8 fantastic Friday's. Until the 9th Friday came and no letter. Graeme said he was sorry, but he mailed this one a bit late and it would arrive shortly. So Monday came and went, Tuesday came and went, Wednesday came and went...by this point I just decided to wait for a few days before going back...so I stayed busy. Another Monday came and went and by this point Graeme was at a conference and super busy, so I knew there was no real chance of getting to talk to him and see possibly where this letter went missing...my guess was it was somewhere in the Pacific ocean ;)

Tuesday was a super busy day and I never made it to the post office, which made me hopeful for Wednesday. I woke up that morning a little bit behind schedule...I just couldn't seem to get out the door and I kept second guessing my choices, but by the time I left the house I had cleaned it up a bit, showered, had breakfast, and was ready to start my day of work. Mind you also, I had plans to go to a sweet lunch with my boss and play "hooky" the rest of the day with her, so it only added to the excitement of my day.

Work was crazy and I was busy most of the morning and at around 12:30 my boss comes to find me (as I was away from my desk) and she puts her arm through mine (which seems odd) and says she needs to show me something and then as we approach our aisle of cubes she says, "your friend is here". And there stands my roommate in my cube with a change of clothes, a letter, and a sly smile on her face...I go white. I know exactly what she is doing here and I can't believe today is the day. The sneaky girl! We had just talked last night...we had made plans this weekend...a girly weekend...and here she stands with that letter! As she hands me the letter she explains that I need to change and that we are headed to where Graeme is waiting. I start to go into shock. So I open the letter. I read the words on the page and I begin to cry silently. I still can't believe today is the day and I can't believe he is here. He is somewhere close, waiting for me.

So through all the chaos of my department finding out today was the day (a bet was going on when he would show up) I get changed and Sarah and I leave. As we walk to the car she explains that she is going to drive around for a bit, because there is another surprise waiting in the car. As I open the passenger door there sits a hard bound book with pictures of Graeme and I on it. As I begin to read I realize it is a book filled with all the things he has come to know and love about me. The little things that make up me. We, over the years have exchanged hundreds if not thousands of emails and in these emails we have a question section and he had taken many of my responses to these questions and placed them in a creative manner into this book. He captured a piece of us and it was classic. The last page said..."I have one more question to ask you..." and I turned the page and there was the large word "soon" typed out. It has been his typical response the last few months whenever I asked him if he was coming. All I would ever get was the response, "soon". I hated the word soon. Today, I could not have been more happy to see it.

Sarah had been watching me read through the book and at some point headed for the direction of where Graeme was hiding out. When I realized the direction she was headed in I knew where he was. It was a park that he and I had walked to his second night here on his first trip out. We had talked for probably 4 or 5 hours on the swings, just catching a tangible glimpse of who each other was. He didn't know this at the time of the proposal, but it was probably the last place that I was unsure of how I felt for this guy, so it was fitting that it would be the place he asks me and I am so sure.

When we arrive Sarah pulls up and I get out of the car. Graeme is already walking toward me and I can't believe it is actually him, when this whole time he was supposed to be at conference! We hug for what seems to be ages and he takes my hand and walks me to the swing set. He sits me down and gets down on one knee. He says a lot of wonderful things that I don't remember, but because he knows me so well he wrote them down, so I would be able to look back on what he said! And then he asked me to marry him, which of course I said yes!

I can't believe it is him. I can't believe my travels through puppy love, infatuation love, to a true choice of love has lead me to this spot in life with this incredible man. When I get asked if he is my dream guy I say no, because he is far better. My dream guy to be honest didn't have much of personality...he was pretty flat and unrealistic. Graeme meets me where I am at. When I am having a rough day and trying to explain myself it seems as though he is already on the other end of my explanation just waiting to be present however I might need him. He has already made an incredible best friend and is going to make an incredible partner in this life.

Off on our first "official" dress up kind of date! All in all it made for a pretty sweet and memorable Wednesday!

Living in a Season Filled with Love

I started my new year on Orange Ave and here I sit 7 months later in my new home just a few blocks from where the "party" began, filled with so much anticipation for what the next 7 months hold. 

My start to 2010 brought 2 weeks of house sitting with one of the largest dogs I have ever seen in my entire life. An adventure to spend some time with the boy and friends down in New Zealand. A move away from a house I truly enjoyed living in for 2 years. A move to a place that reminded me of home. 3 different bosses. 1 childhood friend's wedding. 1 college friend's wedding. Now back to the place I started my Southern California journey 8 years ago. 

Having had some time to process all of these mini adventures packed into a short 7 months, I can only imagine what the next 7 months will hold. But I know it will be filled with loads of love, more piano playing (as seen below), great meals with wonderful friends, and a few surprises along the way I am sure.

 

The Sweeter Side of Life

So much to say and so many thoughts running through my head...now if I could only clear some space up there to actually write something worth reading...

Hello Blog

Dear Blog,

I just wanted to let you know I am sorry for not making the time or space  for you these past few weeks.

With moving, marriages, and a visit from Mum writing has taken a bit of a back seat.

I promise it isn't forever, but maybe just a few more days...a week tops. I promise.

Thanks for understanding blog I really appreciate it.

Talk to you soon!

Your Favorite Writer
(HNG)

A Sweet Reflection

"'He will sit like a refiner of silver...' "
Malachi 3:3 NLT

 

Are you in the refiner's fire today? If you are, don't rebel or try to run away, just sit still and let the refiner do His work. The Bible says: 'He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross. He will purify [them], refining them like gold and silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.' (Malachi 3:3 NLT) A woman who read this verse at a Bible study wanted to know how it related to her walk with God, so she made an appointment with the silversmith. 

Without mentioning anything other than a general interest in the process, she sat and observed him work. She watched as he held the silver over the fire, explaining that in order to burn away every impurity he had to keep it in the middle where it was hottest. She asked him if he usually sat in front of the fire the entire time. 'Yes,' he replied, 'not only do I have to hold it, I must watch it. If I leave it there too long it will be destroyed.' After thinking about that for a while she asked, 'How do you know when the process is complete?' Smiling, he replied, 'That's easy; I see my face reflected in it.'

If you're in the refiner's fire today, remember: (a) He knows what He's doing, so trust Him (b) He won't allow you to be destroyed by the circumstances, or take His eye off you (c) when the process is complete, you'll be more like Jesus and less like your old self. Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you've prayed for? 

*Courtesy of twft devotions

Dedicated to the New Things of Life

Tomorrow brings with it the start of so many wonderful things. Regardless of the answers, they will be answers. Answers that give life to different avenues. Different avenues within my life. Tomorrow marks my first real official day in my new residency, a cute 1920s farmhouse. Tomorrow starts a new journey with an old friend. Tomorrow is a new day and a new month. Tomorrow is going to be a sweet day; regardless.

Forever Yet Not So Happily Ever

I can remember roughly two years ago life just felt like one big adjustment after the other. Living in a community I had once lived in before, but now more as an adult, responsible for her comings and goings. There were great adventures beginning, but also a heart that still felt a bit broken and a job I felt completely lost in. It was an interesting time in life and now as I look back I can truly see how much distance I have made from such adjustments.

I have a friend that I made over a year and a half ago at a St. Patrick's day party that is someone I look to as a great confidant in this life. She was someone that I wasn't necessarily "supposed" to become friends with, but I think it was our energy for life that allowed us to connect the way we did. For me also, it was her enthusiasm for the day to day. The love she carries for her family. Her desire for great adventures and for a great love. She is a person that I hope to glean from this whole life through, but lately she has been in a season like I was two years ago.

There is a lot of pain, a lot of tears, and a lot of unknown. Within a period of a week she was let go of  (I hate the term dumped, because with their situation it was a bit more complicated) and she was released from her teaching duties for next year's school year. I think for her right now the job loss was a shock but for the last year has been talking about seeking out other options career wise, even the possibility of moving out of the country. It has been her grief in "losing" this guy that has struck a cord within me. The hurt that is now forever going to be a part of her. Yes, she will one day allow someone in and that someone will ask for her hand in marriage, but it has been these little "incidental" griefs that she never expected (really when do we ever expect them), but often happen,  that will forever be with her and will shape and create her to become more of the woman she is. This is a part of her forever and maybe not the happiest part of her forever, but a part of it.

I am an encourager by nature, but this area in particular. I have known great love and not such great love. I have known pain and grief so much so that I had hoped life would just end as I stayed crawled up in my bed for days on end it seemed. But new days come and we bounce back in a way that I think is truly amazing to the human heart and soul. She is truly someone that I love dearly and hope this season passes quickly for her; because I know for someone like her, living life this way just limits what the world can be offered through her and she has so much offer. So to you my friend, I will keep reminding you that I am right here, bring you hydration for those long days in bed, and remind you that new days do come even if you have lost the belief in that.

The Distance

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you're comin' back

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm callin your name

But I can't take the distance

I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm callin' your name

I brave fire and I brave rain
To be by your side I'd do anything
I can't take the distance

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That's how much you mean to me

'Cause I can't take the distance
I can't take these miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm calling your name
I can't take the distance

It's hard to remember
As long as you're away
When I find solace
There's only one way

~Evan and Jaron

Library View

I found this corner of the library when I went exploring around sometime back in college. It is an open space with a couple of chairs and power outlets (always helpful when your computer is about to die), but most of all it has windows that look out towards the ocean. Now I didn't get a great shot, but you can see the trees and just beyond the trees is the ocean.

I love coming to this spot. It helps me relax and is situated in an environment that helps me focus, which was my whole intention today, to focus. I took my laptop, some great tunes from the boy, and situated myself in my little corner overlooking the trees and ocean and just wrote. Maybe not my greatest work, but I made the time and space to do it. I haven't picked up my writing like this in months and I felt so out of practice but as the minutes turned into hours it came back to me. What I like about what I am currently writing is that I can just "wing it" in this draft section. Write whatever comes to my mind and put it down. It will be later on when I go through and dissect and fix details and errors.

I hate that I haven't made any time for this in my life, but hopefully that is all about change. Because this library is situated quite closely to where I will be moving in the next few weeks and to top it off they are open till 9pm on weeknights! It was all rather exciting information for me to discover today.

So there you have it, a glimpse of my beautiful day full of writing, views, old books, and the contentedness to not be rushing off. I adore these days...

It's Official

My Esty site is up!

Now it may not be the most perfect shop out there, but hey, at least it is a start right? Starting small and we will see where we go from here. Exciting times ahead for sure...

Kayli's Getting Married and This is Her Bridal Shower!

So, one of my best friend's from college is taking the plunge after 5 years of dating. They are now to become Husband and Wife and we as their friends we could not be happy for them...the BIG event takes place next month, but for now enjoy a glimpse of the bridal shower!

L-O-V-E

May 24th, 2010

Seems I was walking in the wrong direction
I barely recognized my own reflection, no
Scared of love, but scared of life alone
Seems I've been playin' on the safe side baby
Building walls around my heart to save me, oh
But it's time for me to let it go.

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

Just when you think that love will never find you
You run away but still it's right behind you, oh
It's just something that we can't control

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

So come and find me
I'll be waiting up for you
I'll be holding out for you tonight

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready, ready to love again.

~Lady Antebellum...Ready to Love Again

Our Not So Traditional Date Nights

May 6th, 2010

Most people go to the movies or out to dinner with their significant other. You get to take pictures (sometimes) to remember the event. So I thought why not take a photo of our own date nights! Alas, it doesn't quite have the same fond memories, but at least we will be able to look back on them/it and be thankful for when we finally are together...

Looking Back at My Roots

April 29th, 2010

Whether it has been conversations at work, talking with friends, or Grae, I can't really pin point what has been making me think about my extended family and our history so much, but lately I have found where I come from to be so fascinating. On my Dad's side I am the second generation from a family that came from Italy. It makes me wonder that if a great grandparent had made another choice and decided to not move to America I probably wouldn't be here. My Mum's side comes from the South and originally from France.

In the picture below I am holding each set of grandparents wedding photos. I love looking at them just for the fact that they didn't get married in the same decade so their weddings have a true different time essence to them. I love looking at them and wondering what all of them were like and how we would have interacted had all of them been alive in my adult years. 

Out of the photos I only have the grandfather on the right in my life today. He is getting older and has remarried so the topic of my grandmother doesn't come up very much, if any, but every now and again I will ask him questions and I love the responses...mainly that he thinks she and I would have been great friends.

I think we would have too. 

It is in these years of my life where I miss them so much and have discovered a true appreciation for them and their stories in this life.

 

Devoted to a Year Come and Gone

April 24th, 2010

 As Graeme and I approach a year of long distance being together I keep getting the questions of, "How do you make it work?" or "Don't you just want to go insane because of the distance? I know I did after being away from *so and so*." And my answers pretty much sum into one. It is in no way easy, but we make it work because we both have discovered that sometimes the best things in life are worth fighting for and waiting for. 

There probably isn't a day that goes by that I don't think, "gosh I wish my boyfriend lived in the same state as me." but the reality is that he doesn't and as of right now there is nothing I can do about that. All I can do is be the best when communicating when I have the chance, being completely present when we get the chance to skype once a week, and make the effort to do small things that remind him that I care, and that I will still be here as we sort our visas and moves and everything else that goes into falling for someone that isn't from here. :) 

He is so much more than what I have expected a man to be in my life and yes our relationship may look different than most, but I am devoted to making it work whether we are apart or together. 

For the Love of a Friend

For the love of a friend I got creative and decided to hand make bridal shower invitations. Totally worth the final product, maybe not so worth the 12 hours spent on making 50! Here's to you Kayli! Can't wait to celebrate the start of your new adventure with Ryan!!

Bright and Shiny

My roommate and I were discussing how we so desperately wish life could just be bright and shiny, but that just isn't the case. We have jobs that hand us rough days, family that we disagree with, cars that break down, taxes to pay; life just gets in the way sometimes of things being "bright and shiny".

But then you have days like today where you have a great day at work, had some extra time to try a new recipe and make an incredible dinner for the roommate and you, and even get to see a movie (I still feel like a rebel sometimes when I get to see movies in the middle of the week like I am a school kid who is ditching her homework for some fun). These bright and shiny days make the other days just a little bit easier to handle. Here's hoping you get to experience a few more bright and shiny days and a few less of the other days...

New Beginnings

I don't often find myself to be a crafty person, but I am traveling down a new and uncharted territory...so hopefully I am going to start selling my photo cards on Etsy...so when it is up and running I will make sure to let you know and you can see my "crafty" work at its best. :)

Sacrifice

Life is in part about sacrifices as I am discovering. I am discovering the sacrifices my parents have made for me in order to have the kind of life that I have had. I am discovering certain sacrifices I am going to have to make for my future. There is a true beauty that comes from them as well as a certain level of pain.

A funny part of my story is that I always wanted to find love; someone to share my life with. I think somewhere between finishing college and leaving New Zealand I gave up on that notion. And not that I necessarily gave up on it all together, but for a season. I had come to a better understanding of who I was and what I wanted and I wasn't willing to settle for less.

Then in walks this great guy who is real and exceeds anything I could have possibly dreamed of. He may be 10,000 miles away, in a different time zone, and country; but he is worth all the sacrifices I could possibly store up. He is teaching me what it means to give selflessly and without anything in return. He is teaching me that love is about actions and not words. He is teaching me that love is sacrificial and the best kind of sacrifice anyone could make.

Awaken

Sometimes I feel like I'm just existing
I'm not really living
I'm only watching the time slip away
I've forgotten who I am in you
I'm not who I'm meant to be
I'm drifting farther away from my destiny
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken your power and take control
Awaken the passion to live for you, lord
Awaken me
My soul is longing, my heart is searching
I'm desperate for you to move
Give me a hunger, pull me closer
I'm crying out to you
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken your power and take control
Awaken the passion to live for you, lord
Open my eyes so I can see your presence
Dwelling inside
Wake me up, cause I can't live another minute
if I'm not shining your light
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken the passion in me
Lord, awaken me to live my destiny
Lord, awaken me and shine your light through me
Lord, awaken me to live my destiny
Lord, awaken me and shine your light through me

~Natalie Grant

Hello Hollywood!

So this years birthday celebration was delayed a bit (about a month to be exact). So several of my good friends and I decided to wake up early one Sunday morning and head up to Hollywood to watch Alice in Wonderland at the El Capitan. Only to our great amusement did we pick the Sunday of the LA marathon! Which it turned out to be SO much fun watching thousands upon thousands run the 26 mile trek from Dodger Stadium to the Santa Monica Pier.

Christian, Emily, and I enjoying the early hour :)

Vince displaying the route of the LA marathon. We happened to be standing at mile 11.

She was my favorite! She was passing out Gatorade to the runners.

Amy and I.

The streets were lined with cups! As we were getting out the movie the marathon was over and the street sweepers were out and about washing down all the gatorade and sweeping up all the remaining trash.

And for fun we went to see if the Kodak Theater had put up 2010's Best Picture (and low and behold they had! Barely visible I know, but it was the best shot I could get)

Hope you enjoyed my little birthday adventure!