Passing of the Oaks

In one weeks time I'll make this drive:





Bake one of these beauties with my ever growing baking skills:

And hang out with these amazing people who I cherish dearly:

I wish it was today...

The Love of a Nation

Sometimes it lays so heavily on my heart I wonder what the next real move is...

Heath

This was a photo I happened to glance at about a month ago while going through old scrap books I had put together back in Junior High and High School. As strange as they may look to an outsider I had many laughs going through these old books of mine. Seeing friends I haven't seen in ages. Sports clippings of teams I played on. Many memories collected in them. And there against a piece of purple paper laid this picture. Growing up like most young girls I had my infatuations. My father thought me out of my mind to post Leonardo DiCaprio on my ceiling right beside N'Sync. However all of them ended up in a rubbish bin at some stage, but here in my memory books was a picture of Heath. Maybe it was the idea that he was foreign and I knew it was nothing more than a mere infatuation. Though I did not know him it leaves me with a sense that another small part of my innocence, my childhood has been chipped away. It's a reminder that we don't live forever, no matter who we are. Thank you for being a part of several wonderful memories growing up, thank you for being the topic of conversation every now again, thank you for making this once fourteen year old girl blush, just by the sound of your accent.

Community

It's something we need. Something that makes us feel a part of a whole. I personally function better with it, even though deep down inside an element of community scares me. I keep asking myself, "What am I so afraid of?". And I guess the answer came from here; if I become a part of a community and am exposed for who I really am, will I still be accepted and embraced within this community?

I am scared of rejection.

I am scared of not finding "my place" in a place that it should be so "easy" to find "my place".

I am a daughter of the Most High King and I am scared like I am 6 years old in sea of grown ups hiding behind his rob. I know the truth. So like a big 6 year old I must step from behind the rob and embrace it all...the good and the bad, just like I did back then. Despite how human I am, God gave me something to offer this community. Plus, it's one thing I have going in common with everyone...the area of perfection. We are not perfect. I am not perfect. I mess up, I say hurtful things, I am lazy, I get it wrong. But, I am considered beloved. So I walk in that truth and the knowledge that...

I need community.

Rejected or not. Christ was embraced and rejected in community. Taken in and outcast. So who better to give this problem, this issue of myself to...then Him.

Orion

It was the idea that got to her. The idea that maybe they could be friends again. They could talk and catch up on the last four years of their lives and all that they had been doing with their time. What they had been seeing through this raw real world. This was her thought as she stood on the cold pavement, barefoot, staring at someone who without knowing it, reminded her of this one person she had been trying to shake for so long. It wasn't as though this person was the air she needed to breathe. She was way passed that feeling or raw emotion. She just stood their looking at this man with flash backs of memories, memories long forgotten. Somersaults in parking lots, naps on the beach, car rides and getting lost on purpose. And the memory of the ending collapsed upon her. That, oh so strange and slightly denting memory of rejection and outcast. She remembered then why this idea was pretty impossible from where she was standing. Then came a wave of understanding for it all. That she had to let them go...she had to let them all go their own way. Each and every memory, held to each and every situation. Every conversation, every look, every random moment of flirtation that excited the senses. They didn't belong to her anymore. They didn't belong to her if she wanted the door to open to all new experiences and adventures. They were not hers to hold on to if this was the life she was really wanting. So returning back to earth, thoughts clearly in place. She hugged her friend with all her might and made her way to the car. Leaning up against the car she slid down the side and laid against that cold black pavement. Looking up into the sky she saw Orion's belt and smiled, being reminded that even in the craziness and chaos of city and life there is always something to smile about.

Sushi Night

I enjoy being around friends who remind me of the simple joys of life. I spent last Saturday night surrounded by wonderful friends. We caught up on life, laughed over orders of sushi, laughed at how easy it was to squeeze 9 of us into a booth. We talked about traveling, friends, family, and work. Then we moved on to to a coffee shop only to discuss apartments, the craziness of our pasts, our relationships with God, our struggles to live the day to day life. I had my doubts about moving back to this area, but sitting amongst these fine women I was quickly reminded that no matter where I am in this world it is the company that truly makes it worth while.

The Hope Filled Romantic in Me

I am a hopeless romantic or so I have been told. However, I would really like to know where the term "Hopeless" came into it. I don't think I am hopeless, nor is the life I am walking into. I believe it to be one filled with hope and so much more. I would say though as a "writer in the making" I do enjoy seeing what others have to put out there on the subject of love. I am no pro at the subject and don't claim to be (as several of you might know...) Now, the writing in this film may have not been the best but there was something about it that made me smile, get frustrated, laugh, and cry a bit. Like I said before, I am no pro on the subject of love, but love has surrounded my life in many ways. Hearing about my Mum's first husband and loosing him in death, witnessing over 30 years of love between my Aunt and Uncle, my friends and the loves they have met along the way, to the unconditional love of my Savior. I think at one point in time I can say that I have even loved to a certain extent and learning that love sometimes means letting go even when you feel as though you might die inside from this release. I guess that is where I related the most to this film. I know I have yet to be married and therefore have yet to loose my spouse in the way that Holly did. But to love in such a strong way and then have it be parted from you, it changes you. It changed me. I grew up and moved forward however unpleasant it felt at the time; I look back with fond memories of where I went and now where I am going. I wish in "movie world" I could be like Holly and know exactly what I should be doing. But like everything else in my life that will come with time.

How It Carries A Whole New Meaning

I'm dreaming tonight
Of a place I love
Even more than I usually do.
And although I know
It's a long road back
I promise you

I'll be home for Christmas.
You can count on me.
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree.
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love-light gleams.
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams.

I'll be home for Christmas.
You can count on me.
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree.
Oh Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love-light gleams.
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams.

Choices

Anyone ever been at a loss for where they are standing? HA! Who am I kidding?!Of course many of you have. I know I am not supposed to have it together right now and I need more of a chance to debrief this last year; but that will come in due time just by living life here.

Do I stay on the central coast or move yet again? Do I take a chance here and see what comes from the one place in many ways I think I might have been running from. Maybe my great inspiration will come from this place. Possibly the story I have been writing this whole time will conclude here. So many thoughts flying through this little head of mine. So many pieces of wool to lay before the LORD.

Choices and dreams. Dreams and choices. A little while ago I would have asked for writing on the wall, the ground, the sky, anything! But that takes away from the fun of living this life I have been handed. I was talking on the phone with a good friend tonight and I explained that in the world/bubble that we had been living in there has really been no good examples of what this life was supposed to look like and in all honesty that is ok. Because I hope in some way I can be that example; at least a small version of it. I heard it explained several times over this last year that sometimes God calls people with specific purposes, some of those people listen and some do not. For those who do not God calls others and others until someone responds. My blog says it all; I am not perfect, I am quirky, and learning to do the best with what I've got!

By far a much more richer and dramatic firework display than I was expecting!

Topic of Conversation

So over the last three weeks a topic has come out when telling people about this last year. The idea that I left thinking life would stop and I would come back right back to how things were. That was never my mentality. Often Kristin and I talked about how life was going on "without" us and that there were certain life moments that we would not be a part of...things we would miss out...memories we would never have. Another odd element to the mix is that even though life went on here, so did our lives down there. When people tell me stories or events I have an idea or concept of what they are talking about. However, when I start to tell a story I have to give the "background" information before actually telling the story; so that the story can be understood. So my frustration is not that life continued on here (that is exciting!) the frustration is that life went on somewhere else with me in a part of it. I guess this means in time I will have to become a good storyteller!

Timing

She stepped off the plane into the humidity and warmth

Fear filled her heart and then a surge of excitement

A feeling unlike any other

One that could not be explained

The rush of cars

The surge of traffic

All things so familiar and so foreign

Welcome back to the concrete jungle

Far are those true jungles you explored

Far is that land

That land so familiar and now what seems to be so foreign

Beginnings and Stories

So where does one begin when telling their story? I think I heard it once said in a movie you start at the beginning. I guess that would be a good place to start, but then again I am not sure I even know where the beginning is. Maybe somewhere in my freshman year of college, maybe way before that!

I am home. A home that could have not been better picked for me. It suits where I stand and where I need to be. For now.

I am trying to figure out where to begin my story. Until then I will enjoy this season of "simple life".

Ending Well and Starting Well

Leaving one incredible land for another incredible place. I am still not perfect. In no way do I have it together. But I became a bit more adventurous, relaxed a bit, and learned to trust the LORD in a whole new way! My time here I believe is ending well and what I am walking into I believe will be a good start.

New Zealand as a whole has taught me so much. This is something that could never be replaced. I am glad I took the risk and I am glad I am coming "home".

Kia Ora Land of the Long White Cloud

The Windy Roads of the South

There are no words to describe how I am left in awe of this country that I have been living in this past year. As Kristin and I drive around in our (affectionately known as Stella) car, we sit in silence and just stare out onto everything that is before us. The view that you are currently looking at is the place we have been staying at the last two nights, Wanaka. Its a quite little town situated on the lake with an amazing view of the bluffs. It is the kind of place that I would love to hang a hammock between the willow trees that line the lake and read away my day!

Kristin and I are doing a lot of recalling these days, as Stella is a super special car with limited radio and no other form of sound, so silence and conversing is what we do :) God has done so much for us and within us over this year that leaving is a bit unsettling, but as we have realized, the people we have made our lives with over this year are going on, the lives of those we left behind last year are going on, and our lives continue to go on. Even though we feel a bit of a stand still we know we are moving forward. I don't have it all together (go figure!) and don't ever plan on "having it together" but I am at peace with moving forward, making steps of faith and trusting that these steps will only lead me closer to the God I love, and being a part of my greatest journey...

Lots of thoughts...not all coming out the best tonight. But there you have it...a simple girl's thoughts on a cold spring night on a small little island down in the Southern Hemisphere.

Sweet Dreams.

Sydney

Sydney is a city like so many cities I have traveled through before. What makes the difference is having friends to share the experiences with. Kristin and I have been so fortunate to have our friend Will along for the ride and his sense of humor and love of life and people adds so much to this place. We have done several of the touristy things...toured the Opera House, ridden a ferry to Manly beach, walked all over the place, and tomorrow Kristin and I are going on an all day excursion around beaches and bays, should be a lot of fun!
We have had several chances to talk about our travels; long term and short term. The reality of traveling for me is that I love it regardless of the circumstances. I may not always like living out of a bag, but the life skills that I gain from it, the people that I get to meet and hear their stories...nothing replaces that for me. I am so fortunate to being doing this. I am so blessed that this is the life that I get to lead. I am blessed for this season and hopefully many more to come. Sydney is beautiful and warm in its own way, but I am glad that we get to return to New Zealand before coming home. It just wouldn't seem right to return home from any other place in the world after this incredible year. Well off to have a few more adventures before the sun sets...Hope all is well with you wherever you are in the world.

Boy

It would be you Boy

Scrub away some of the edges

The little rough and tarnished edges

And there you would be

Holding on right beside me

You have been taken

And I have been abandoned

A small talk here

A little gesture

The smallest form of pleasure

But come so many hours

It will all fade away

So today I'll behave

I won't stare at your hand

Or the sultry way you stand

I will look into your eyes

For the first time I know they won't lie

I'll say goodbye

And tell you I will be seeing you

I'll turn and walk away

Hoping you will tell me to stay

But my head and heart both know

You will never be my beau

Flight

I am going now
Not sure where I will end up
Maybe down
Or possibly up
I am taking off in flight
With the future ever so bright
I am loved
And
I am learning
I am taking moments
And
Enjoying the adventure
I am going now
Not sure where I will end up

Dear E

Dear E

This isn't goodbye, just see you real soon. Maybe soon in my kitchen making a HUGE Italian feast with my Mum! Maybe soon in your kitchen baking muffins for a moose we have yet to meet (do they have moose in NZ?) :)

E what you give and have given is enough, your presence, your time, your energy into my own life, you have inspired me! Even though it may feel so many kilometers away you will always be close. In my head I'll laugh at some funny new story I want to share or a joke I just learned! But also in my heart when joyous moments begin to happen in these (yet again!) new steps I take. I take you with me. You my dear-E will never be forgotten.

K.S.

Dear K,

Thank you for making me laugh

Thank you for making me feel so beautiful

Thank you for inviting me on adventures

Thank you for letting me share special moments in your year

Thank you for sharing with me

Thank you for not judging my stalker moments ;)

Thank you for encouraging the funny side in me

Thank you for making time for me

Thank you

Love,

H

Rove

One of my favorite little pieces of Australia :)

Too bad though tickets are booked through the end of the year!

http://rovedaily.com.au/the-show.htm

Observation

The mystery of surroundings

The similar sounds, but different tones

The dive with little to no reward

The consumption to ease the pain

To ease the bitterness that remains

The bitterness that hangs like water in caves

Caves so cold and dark

With the murk of cold wet dirt

But somewhere beyond the consumption, cold, dark, murk

Up and climbing through the bone chilling water source

And into the light

The climb may not happen tonight

But in due time

Due time and choice

Into the light I will climb

I Heard It Once Said

I heard you were coming

I heard it once said

Through the rain and the storm

The lightening and the hail

It was not said when you would arrive, but that it would be soon

I laughed under my breath

For how impossible the task!

For you to arrive

And arrive like that

After so long and so many storms

That you would just show up

And show up like that?!

Is this a joke?

An incredibly ill timed hoax?

Maybe its the truth...

What could it hurt

Everything in me I think

I throw caution and set my sails free

Hoping you my wind are coming for me

I heard you were coming

I heard it once said

Baptism

The dangling of feet in the cold cool pool. The growing crowd. The anticipation of choice. The beating heart. The life changing moment. A splash of water. The touch of a human hands. The submersion. The release. The tears. The knowledge. The difference. The life changing freedom.

Growing Confidence

New Zealand has this way of capturing your attention. I was explaining to one our house guests that New Zealand has so many places untouched and it is a fairly easy place to get around (and small enough) that it is a shame that more Kiwi's don't travel around their own country.

I like getting out and taking walks whenever I can, especially as of lately. Working at the hospital can take a toll on you. You sometimes forget where you are; and have done such a good job of putting up barriers and boundaries, but then you are faced with situations that remind you exactly where you are employed. My favorite walk has been up and over the hill from our place. I walk through a tunnel and come out to a place called Seatoun. Seatoun is a lovely little community looking towards the channel of water that leads to the Pacific Ocean. My favorite spot is where the channel opens up into the ocean. I walk through the sand/rock and hike up to the top of a hill. It is one of my favorite views in New Zealand/Wellington. If you stand in a certain spot you can see nothing but God's creation.

It is in these moments where I am discovering more of my self worth, my dreams, my beauty. I have been in denial for quite some time about many of these topics and as of recently believe that I am walking into a new stance of confidence. There have been a couple situations at work where I have wanted nothing more than to drift back into those moments of denial, to forget the things that I have learned, and to allow the fear of the unknown to consume me. Yet, I serve a good and great God. I serve a God who has given me the gift of freedom, but it is my choice whether or not to walk into it and in it. I am learning. It will continue to take time and a lot more walks!

*Photo by Steph

My Random Thoughts

* Seven working weeks left...doing my best to not day dream the days away...however here are some of my thoughts*

1. One of our first stops on the South Island in October



2. Reading Genesis



3. October 6th



4. One of my favorite spots by our house



5. A little bit of home...it always brings a smile

Views from this Side

Often I am standing somewhere waiting...I catch myself doing it all day. Waiting for the bus, waiting for an elevator, waiting for someone to pick up the phone, waiting for the minutes to pass me by. But I was caught in an extreme moment of waiting this morning. I was walking along the street to catch my bus and as I am doing so I watch the first bus I can catch fly by and then a few seconds later the second bus I can take flies by. I have yet to make it to the bus stop. Since coming to live in New Zealand I have come to a place of not rushing, not pushing, not being worried about the things I can not control. As of right now looking down the road I realize I can't make either bus come back, so I press forward to wait 10 minutes or so for the next bus. I arrive at the stop and look to my right. The sky looks like it is on fire. New Zealand mornings have become some of my favorite in the world. It is watching the cloud formations pass me by and hit the first light of day and then it explodes into color. I take my camera everywhere and decided to see if I could capture a few shots. I got a few...nothing compared to the real thing, then I put my camera away and leaned against the wall as the clouds began to change and the colors began to grow. Every time I am caught waiting somewhere and looking up at the sky I can not help but get a rush of meeting my Maker. I can only imagine what these views look like from His perspective. I remembered sitting with an old professor and talking about our love for sunrises and sunsets and what a treasured gift they are from the Maker to His children. I am waiting a lot these days, but I don't mind so much, because the views from where I am standing are pretty spectacular.

True North

Nothing will ever be the same

I tend to be a person of change

Yet sometimes I just wish things would stay the same

Looking behind

Looking forward

The truth is inevitable

Things will never stay the same

Pain happens

Joy enters in

Offence will occur

Looking to You the True North

Will be what stays the same

But this life of change

This life of change will continue to change

Things will never be the same

Going forward is the only option

Looking behind will do nothing

Nothing but lay the foundation for what is to come

So here is to you change

Here is to you and all you bring

Here is to the joys and anguish you bring

This rain of change has never felt so refreshing

Here is to you My True North

My constant in the change

Inscription Sur Le Mur

Do you ever stare up into the sky

Or look down with a certain demise

Wonder how it came about

And what you will now do without

It was not always clear

It was never black and white

There was no writing on the wall

Only reminders of you and me

Any run I took

The sight of a familiar view

A certain make and model of a car

A color

The cord within my favorite song

The writing was never on the wall

It was never black and white

Until perhaps it was to too late

You waited

I blocked

You opened up

I closed off

You would have run anywhere with me

Now I am subject to running it alone

Familiar views and all

I am left with but a simple memory

Looking up at the sky

Just my simple memory and I

Indpendence Day

It was the Fourth of July here yesterday and it is currently the Fourth of July at home. One of my favorite holidays...in the top three for sure. I think it became one of my favorite during my childhood. Most Fourth of July's that I think back on have some of favorite memories wrapped up in them. I was usually at the beach. It would be a warm day, the town or city filled with people. I met Meg Ryan on a Fourth of July, the summer I worked in a candy store. One year I got to sit right where they were lighting the fireworks off on the beach. I used to spend all day in the sun and water, have a BBQ in the afternoon, then watch the sunset, and watch anywhere from between 2 to 8 firework shows going on! It is a special day. It has become a special place in my year. I tend to reflect on how far I have come based on the Fourth of July. In a weird way this is my New Year's. A time of looking back on goals, a time to set new goals. I have come a long way in this last year. Much farther than I thought I would in so many ways! Regardless of where you are in the world and considering yourself an American...Happy Independence Day!

Solid All The Way Through

This life. This life right here I do not understand. I am not angry. I am not bitter. I just don't understand. I want more words than this. I want more understanding than the large brick wall in front of me. I run into them all the time. I have gotten good at walking away from them and finding another way. But this life. This life right here. I do not understand.

Phone Call

It was a simple phone call

But a few words

I said a few

You exchanged some others

I thought maybe the outcome would be different

I thought what you would have to say would bring a bit more of this heart to life

Yet you were stronger than I

You said what had to be said

You spoke the truth in love

It was true love you showed me in that phone call

No one has ever been willing to do that but family

We may never speak again

We may never talk as we once did

But I hope that one day I won't have to patient anymore

And that this love will be something that I can embrace

A love that I won't have to watch walk away

Your true love gave me a reason to grow in patience

It was a love

A Love that enabled me to stand

A Love that enabled me to rise each morning
A Love that keeps me going

I am not perfect

You knew that from the get go

You loved me enough to let me go

You loved me enough to allow me to fly

You spoke the truth

I hung up the phone in tears

I hid it well

I never wanted you to see the weak side of me

I never wanted you to see the vulnerable side of me

I sat there in that hot summers day hoping no one would see

In time I stopped crying

In time I got up and walked away

And now in this new day

Many months away

I thank you for your love

All The Time

I live in a country where miracles are happening all the time.

I live in a country where miracles are happening all the time whether I want to believe it or not; whether I am ready to see them or not.

I live in a country where I can see 4 or more rainbows in one day and am quickly reminded of how I am taken care of.

I live in country where penguins cross the road.

I am living.

I am living in a country where miracles are happening all the time.

Culture Collision

Most of you know I enjoy movies. When living in California I more than likely always used to go to movies with people. It was the experience of seeing it with others that made it so enjoyable. I loved the the odd occasion when a few of us would go into a theatre only to find that we were the only ones there. Living in New Zealand I find that I more often go to the movies on my own. At first it felt a bit strange, but I got over that. It became a way to relax and wind down. I have a few individuals I go see movies with and again I am put back to my experiences back home that going with people is a true enjoyment...you have people to discuss the movie with, talk to throughout it (not that I am one of those people:)), some one to be scared with or excited with. Movie experiences here and in California will never be the same to me, but I find both enjoyable for different reasons. I do suggest that theatres back home would upscale a bit like the theatres here. My Dad would be scolding me for how often I have gone to the movies here:) but it is nothing like home...movies are my retreat, my treat to myself, and a little reminder of home with a splash of New Zealand added to it. I rather enjoy it when both worlds collide.

*It would have been nice to have had company for this

film however. I kept wanting to grab the man's arm

next to me:) Didn't think he would have appreciated

that too much!

The Tear

The room surrounded her. It was cold to the core of who she was. It was a new place of learning and a new place of growth. Everything is brand new and when tries to explain it to those who love her she is at a loss for words. As she sat in her bed doing her best to keep warm she asked God for a form of expression to this new place. She stood alone but not afraid. She stood at a place of yet another crossroad. She stood willing to put her heart out. Alexandria, Alex for short, stood believing there was no place she should be then where she was, but she wondered what so much of this had been leading to. Her choices in life, the losses that had taken place, the silent joys that had been given. She had often been watching people coming into their own, getting married, writing books, pastoring churches, babies being born; she felt as though life was changing but she wasn't moving. She was here. Here in her room, in her bed, electric blanket on, thinking about how different things had turned out than what she had thought. Then it came, that form of expression, a tear. It was not just any tear, but held specific meaning. It was a tear that held joy and thanked God for where she was, it was a tear that held the prayer that she would not be alone forever but thanked God that for now she was, it was a tear that expressed that she wanted more than where she was and was willing to do whatever it took to be standing there more of God and more of herself. Alex turned off the light, snuggled down a bit farther into the bed hoping to get a bit warmer, and a adjusted her head just so to be covered enough that she still got some air while sleeping. She fell asleep thankful for the day she had been given and hoping that she would be granted with another one.

Daydreaming

No great thoughts fill this space.
Just me and my time.
My imagination has carried me away.
My circumstances have not overtaken me.
I sit here with my thoughts in my hands.
My mind is somewhere else.
I am caught daydreaming.
I am brought back to this reality of mine.
No great thoughts fill this space.
Just me and my imagination.
I am a daydreamer by nature.
It can't be helped.

Crow's Nest

6 months has come and gone so quickly. Does anyone know where the time has gone? I wish I could describe this season to you so that you could understand where I am standing, but see the thing is that this season is unlike any other. I was sitting on the edge of our couch in our lounge trying to describe it to Kristin the one person who saw who I was before coming and the one person who is seeing me now, and it was even difficult with her. This is uncharted waters for me, at least it has been for the last 10 years. I guess what it comes down to is that I am not bitter any more. I am not angry. I put blame on no one because there is no blame to be put anywhere. The people who are in my life are people that I can open up with and share with. I am not letting what has happened in the past play a part in that. Even with those who continue to be a part of my life that have been for some time...things are changing there as well. It's freedom. It is being at a place of total contentment, but still being adventurous and having a heart willing to go out and search out these uncharted waters! It is an exciting time. It makes my heart rush at the idea of what this truly looks like. I am going "home" in 6 months. But I will make the most of my time here, because I know it is not the last of my adventures. I know it is the beginning of something new in my life. To anyone who might read this and has been impacted by my past relationships in a negative way I am sorry. I didn't know how to let go, but I have. I have let go of it all and all I can do now is move forward with a God beside me showing me and introducing me to so much. He is truly tender in that way. Taking the time, being patient with me...this is what New Zealand has been about: Patience, Willingness, and New Beginnings. I wish you could see the view from this crow's nest because it is absolutely spectacular.

Friend

This is to you my friend
As of right now we are 10,000 miles away
But it should just be a million

I know I can't rescue you
I can't save you
I can't make the pain go away
But I know who can
I know you know who can too
I think of you everyday
I think of that night often
I keep your note from that night close
I wish I could erase it from your reality
But the reality is friend it is yours and many others
You have never felt so alone
Your grief looks different
Your joy looks different
The way you are doing life looks different
But that is the thing friend
You are different
She knew that too
Nothing will ever replace the void you feel
But don't give up friend
Keep going
This is not your end
The rough days will come
The joyous ones will too
But this is not your end
But a piece of your beautiful beginning

Spontaneity

Just a few random joyous moments over the last few months...

Proverbs 13:19a

Certainty

I wondered if the moment would ever come to pass

Or was it just wishful thinking that you would succeed

I wanted you to fly

I wanted you to soar

I wanted you to be everything and more

I strolled along the shore of a foreign sea

Reflecting on you and me

Thinking of the silly things

The foolish things

The genuine moments that slipped right on by us

Who would have thought you and me would turn out this way

Who would have thought me this brave

I would not change it for anything

I would not take back the moments

I would not give them to any one who asked

It has become my beginning

Each day is new and holds with it an adventure

It is the mystery I choose to live out

I wondered if the moment would ever come to pass

And now I can say with all certainty that it has

*Photo by Mr. Dan Cook

Saturn

I got to go to an observatory last week...so much fun! It reminded me of something I did when I was little, I think my Dad took me to one down in LA

somewhere, but it also reminded me of when he would put out our pretty massive telescope and show me all of the constellations in the sky...I think my favorite was the Milky Way though...there was something about it. The mass amount of stars put together all for our enjoyment...our pleasure. I am an aspiring artist in so many ways and through this it enables me to relate more to the LORD; it allows me to relate to His creative side...His fun side! I am enjoying the fact that I am taking risks and even if they were dumb risks I still tried, I didn't hold back. A few weeks back I let Satan and my human nature get me down to a place of what I felt was a no recovery zone, but then God in His ways rushed through my life like a wild fire reminding me of my purpose, my reason, my passions...passions mind you that have been built up in me for so long, but for some reason I have been afraid to express to myself or to share with the rest of the world. One of them being my photography. I love this form of art. I enjoy capturing people, moments, objects, seasons, life really. So, a few of my photographs are going up in an art show. Its the first time I am really letting people who I have never met in my life share a part of my passions. The cool thing is that even though I am sharing this bit, I am not so scared anymore. I am not scared if people don't like it or the concept behind why I took what I did; because it is my offering back to the LORD. This is my sweet incense to say thank you. The night I went to the observatory with my friend I got to see Saturn and when I looked through this HUGE telescope the LORD softly reminded me that He was the God of my childhood and my childhood dreams, but He is also LORD of the woman I am becoming and the dreams and passions she is striving for at present. That even though I am unable to grasp the distance between Saturn and me and the rest of the galaxy (s) that surround me He like this space has this much love and blessings to shower me with, so I say, bring on the star showers!

Sweet Melody

This church is the center of Nelson, New Zealand. Many of the major cities within New Zealand have a church that they were built around. When we were hiking around Nelson and around this church I found myself drawn to a little tiny vent around the side the building itself. As I got closer and closer I heard some of the most beautiful music coming from within. We were not allowed to go inside and listen as I discovered, so I crouched near the vent and listened to my hearts content. My God is like this church in this city, but within my life. No matter how lost, how tired, how frustrated, how confused, how satisfied, how thankful He is where I look. He is where I turn and from Him my help comes and my joy is restored. But He is also like the music in my life. I have people who come up to me who tell me they are encouraged by me, that they love me, and are so thankful for me; which may be very true...but I know what they love more. They love Him. Whether they know Him or not, they love Him and the sweet melody He plays within my life. I often find myself just standing near people so I can listen to the melody playing within them...I am drawn to it and therefore stand allowing my soul to take in what is being played. He never promised an easy journey, He never promised a quick journey...if anything the Scriptures affirm that it is a difficult journey; 2 Samuel talks about David having to walk a long long journey, but the sweetness that comes from these times remind me that I can walk through anything and I can go through anything. I look forward to discovering more places like this church in Nelson that brought me a sense of hope. I look forward to God being this sense of hope for others through me, because it is hardly ever my own sweet melody that comes from within, but His sweet melody written through me.

The Tide

“God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain”

C.S. Lewis